


A Not So Dreamless Sleep

by Kitchenator



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, Nsfw content, Serious Injuries, Suicide, Talk of Suicide, Torture, Unprotected Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Violence, minor touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:52:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitchenator/pseuds/Kitchenator
Summary: Lucy Winchester wakes up to a normal life, a life she had always wanted with a loving partner, a solid career with her brother, and a family that is complete.  The problem is, she’s knows that it was wrong, a feeling nagging away in the back of her mind, and once she figures out what is going on, the consequences bring up a whole new set of problems that she wasn’t quite ready to deal with.
Relationships: Crowley (Supernatural)/Original Female Character(s), Crowley (Supernatural)/Original Winchester Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

Something felt weird as Lucy stirred from sleep. She felt too comfortable, too at peace and warm…why was she so warm?

Moving slightly, she registers being buried underneath a duvet, a large, fluffy, duvet, and before she can help it, she yawns widely, reluctant to open her eyes, even as an alarm buzzes somewhere behind her.

Movement on the bed behind her causes her to still for a moment, her mind whirling and coming up short on just what was happening and who exactly it could be, the room going silent. She remains motionless, even as they climb from the bed and she can hear them moving about.

Lucy felt oddly unrushed, safe, and it was such a strange sensation, she couldn’t recall having a reason to not feel safe, but…somehow she knew she shouldn’t.

There is a chuckle, one that was familiar, and next thing she knew, a kiss is pressed to her forehead. “I hate to tell you this, but you’re not going to be very popular if you stay in bed all day. That brother of yours is harder on you than you are on him.”

Frowning, Lucy finally opens her eyes, blinking in the morning light and having enough time to see a blurred figure disappear into a room on the side, a shower starting moments later.

Allowing her mind to clear for a moment, Lucy slowly sits up, her green eyes taking in the room which was neat and clean, minus a few clothes thrown over a chair on the side. Her frown deepens, the whole scenario making her feel much better off than she deserved.

Sighing, she rubs her head, feeling a headache coming on. It was too early to deal with all this.

The shower stopped and Lucy huffed and laid back down, throwing a pillow over her head, not wanting to deal with the morning and whatever nonsense was going to happen today, she decided it could all wait until her head had cleared properly.

Wrapped back up in the duvet and buried under the pillow as she was, she didn’t hear the footsteps creeping back towards the bed.

Hands suddenly found her sides and before she could even draw in a breath, fingers dug in her ribs. Lucy squealed and started laughing, twisting and turning to try and escape the onslaught from the hands, who’s owner was also laughing. She finally managed to grip their hands, only for them to turn it on her and pin both of hers above her head, lips pressing to hers through a grin.

The kiss felt new, but somehow familiar, and if she hadn’t been giggling through the kisses, she would’ve questioned it more.

Finally, the kiss broke away and a nose nudges her. “Time to get up love, no matter how much you don’t want to.”

She opens her eyes and meets his gaze, his lips pressing to hers again briefly before he steps away, still smiling, a towel wrapped around his waist. “Crowley?”

The weird feeling returned as she watched him, a part of her admiring him and the tattoos he had. She didn’t even realise he’d responded to her question until he sent a smirk her way. “Are you enjoying the show love?”

Lucy blinks and throws a pillow at him, making him chuckle. “Shut up. I was enjoying my sleep.” She flinches at the increasing headache, rubbing her temples. “And I have a headache.”

Crowley’s amusement died a little. “Would you like me to get you some aspirin?”

Waving a hand, she yawns and throws the blanket off, finally dragging herself from bed. “No, I’ll have a shower first, see if it helps. If not, then I’ll take some. Nothing like drugs for breakfast.”

He shakes his head, his smirk returning. “You could’ve joined me in the shower, I know the perfect way to get rid of any headache.”

Lucy shoots him a look as she reaches the bathroom door. “If you had it your way that would be your solution to everything.”

Crowley grins. “Only for you love, I don’t know about you, but I don’t like sharing.”

“That’ll be my little secret,” She winks at him and laughs as she closes the door, his eyes narrowing a little after her. “Relax Crowley, I’m not going anywhere without you. It took us too long to get to this stage.”

His amused snort was audible on the other side of the door, but the conversation was soon pushed aside as she let the hot water wash over her. It was easing the ache in her head and she let herself relax, pushing away the worrying thoughts from earlier. This was what she’d always wanted, she decided she only felt odd because things were so right for once.

Showered and dressed, Lucy turned her attention back to the bed and started straightening it out, humming away to herself, and it wasn’t until she reached for the pillow, intending to collect the knife underneath, that she froze again.

Under the pillow was empty. Why would she have a knife under there?

Shaking her head, Lucy thought that maybe she’d had some sort of weird dream that she couldn’t quiet remember, that that was what was throwing her off and unsettling her this morning.

“Lucy, are you coming down for breakfast?” Crowley called.

“Be down in a minute.” Lucy finished straightening up, shook off the feeling again and heads downstairs.

Her mouth waters a little at the freshly cooked bacon and eggs already plated up for her, Crowley eating and scrolling through his phone, smiling as she comes in. “Feeling better?”

“For the most part,” She returns the smile and joins him at the table. “It seems to come and go, so I might still take something after I’ve eaten.”

“Well, don’t go overworking yourself today,” Crowley said, the concern clear in his voice. “And don’t let Dean bother you about every small detail.”

Lucy chuckles. “I’m not the boss for nothing Crowley, I can say and do whatever I want.” Her own phone buzzes and she sees a message from Dean asking when she was going to be in. “And arrive when I want, something my brother doesn’t seem to realise.”

“Don’t let your father hear you say that, considering he did leave it to both of you,” Crowley said and was about chuckle when he saw her brow knit in confusion. “Is everything alright?”

She quickly nods and rubs the bridge of her nose as the headache returns. “Yeah, just the headache again. I think it’s going to be one of those days.”

Crowley hums and gets up, coming back a moment later with aspirin and water for her. “Take something now love, you don’t need it getting worse.”

Sighing, Lucy leans back as his hands rest on her shoulders, smiling softly at him. “Thank you Crowley, sorry I’m not great company this morning.”

He smiles and kisses her gently. “Don’t stress over it love, just take it easy today, if you are even capable of taking it easy.”

“Maybe, because you asked so nicely.” She pulls him back into a kiss, the two of them staying like that for a moment before Crowley sighs contently and pulls away.

“Don’t tempt me to take you back upstairs,” He growls playfully, grabbing his cleared plate and putting in the sink. “I have far too many important meetings today.”

“Meetings you hate,” She smiles, taking the aspirin as her head throbs again. “But I guess that’s also the perks of being in charge.”

Crowley chuckles and places a final kiss on top of her head. “Unfortunately so. I’ll see you tonight love.”

Lucy waves and watches him go with a smile, one that slowly fades as he disappears from sight and she hears a car start up, frowning once again as she looks around the open plan room, kitchen, dining and lounge combined, all furnished nicely but not too lavishly. Again, the weird feeling returned, of something being wrong, but she couldn’t put her finger on exactly what it was.

Her and Crowley had been happy here for a while, right?

Her frown deepened further. How long had they been together now?

There was a whine from the back door and she looks around and sees a large, black German Shepherd. She smiles and gets up, stepping outside and sitting down, the dog quickly joining her, its tail wagging.

“Hey Juliet,” Lucy scratches her ears. “He’ll be back before you know it.”

She whines and rests her head on Lucy’s laps, looking up at her.

Lucy chuckles. “Don’t look at me like that, I can’t make him come back any quicker, you’re just going to have to entertain yourself like you do every other day.”

Juliet huffs and licks her hand, her tail wagging some more.

“You are a very good and smart girl,” Lucy scratches her head more enthusiastically, making Juliet whine and try and kiss her. “You will be absolutely fine.”

Juliet finally manages to kiss her and then bounds away, tail wagging, making Lucy laugh some more. She plays with her for a little while, before checking her food and water and heading back inside, knowing she had to get moving for the day.

Lucy jumps as her phone starts ringing and she stares as Dean’s name comes up. “Hey Dean.”

“Hey boss,” His tone was both amused and slightly annoyed. “You planning on coming in today?”

Lucy sighs and rolls her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah boss, just been trying to shake a headache first.”

There was a brief moment of silence. “Is everything okay sis?”

It took her a moment before she realised she had to answer. “Of course, why wouldn’t it be?”

“You don’t sound too sure of that.”

Lucy huffs a small laugh and moves, putting her own plate in the sink, deciding it can wait till later. “I’m fine Dean, just a headache that’s been throwing me off all morning.”

Dean’s hesitation was clear. “Luce…he’s not doing anything to you, right?”

“Who? Crowley?” Lucy laughs a little. “No Dean, of course not. How many times do I have to tell you I don’t need protective brothers on this?”

He mutters something on the other end of the phone. “You know both Sam and I have our concerns.”

“I love him, that should be enough for both of you,” Lucy sighs and shakes her head, wishing the aspirin would take a hold quicker. “Look, let me shake this headache and I’ll be in.”

“Okay,” Dean said, and she could by his tone that the conversation wasn’t over. “But don’t blame me if I stuff any of these up, I know how particular you are with your own one.”

“Are you a mechanic or not Dean?” She laughed. “I’m sure you can handle it until I get there.”

“I’d feel better if I’d been allowed to work on your car,” Dean grumbled. “But that was just too much to ask, wasn’t it Luce?”

“No one touches my girl but me,” Lucy said. “Now, bugger off and let me get a few minutes of quiet so I can get rid of this.”

“Alright, alright, you’re the boss,” Dean chuckled. “I’ll see you soon.”

Hanging up, again Lucy is left feeling out of place, and she sits down for a moment, trying to place it.

She had a car?

It takes a moment, but she hunts down the car keys and moves out to the garage, stopping dead in her tracks as she stares at it.

A 1965 red Ford Mustang convertible.

Her chest ached as she stared at it, reaching out and gently touching the hood, before her hand slides along it, admiring it. She’d always wanted one as a kid, had been her favourite even above the Impala that her dad drove around in.

The chest ache grew worse and she stepped back for a moment, blinking at it.

How did she get this car?

She pulls out her phone and finds Crowley’s number, generic texts back and forth from the previous day filling the screen until she starts to type a new message, one that she stared at after she sent, the wording feeling odd, but right.

_Did I sell you my soul to get this car?_

There was a moment of silence as she waited for a response.

_Haha, very funny. More like I had to sell you my soul to get you away from it._

Lucy licked her lips. That didn’t seem right.

_Well, she is beautiful._

_Don’t rub it in love, I might just get jealous of it. It’s bad enough seeing you working on it all weekend at times._

The tension in her shoulders eased and she sighed. _She does have one disadvantage. I can’t tease her like I do you._

_You wound me, and you are definitely going to pay for that later._

Lucy laughs to herself and jumps in her car, the top already down. Soon, the fresh air seemed to be doing more than what the aspirin could. She didn’t drive anywhere in particular to begin with, just enjoying clearing her head and the wind whipping through her hair.

Finally, she turns and heads towards work, deciding it wasn’t worth putting it off any longer, lest she get a roasting from Dean.

Winchester Restorations seemed to always be busy these days, and being mostly handled by her and Dean, it was sometimes stressful. John and Bobby would join them when it got too bad, but officially the two of them had retired from the mechanics life, passing it over to Lucy and Dean who’d all but grown up in the workshop.

She yawns as she enters, tying up her messy brown hair, just in time to hear a thud followed by an ‘ow’.

“I hope you’re not hurting those cars, Dean,” She teased, eyeing off the three Mustangs in the shop, Dean’s head poking out from underneath the hood of a black one. “The client’s paying a lot of money for us to get these in tip top shape.”

“Says the one that’s late,” Dean replied, rubbing his head. “And I’m fine by the way.”

“It’s only your head,” She shrugged. “It’s not like you use it anyway.”

Dean threw a dirty rag at her, making her laugh, and soon the two of them are at ease, working away on restoring the cars, conversation light when one of them wasn’t focused on a task.

After several hours work, both of them successfully dirty, Dean called a lunch break.

Lucy throws him a beer from the fridge, and the two of them sit in a small patch of sun out the back of the shop, more interested in their drinks than the sandwiches sitting in their laps.

Dean watches Lucy out of the corner of eye, her gaze distant as if her mind was far away. The silence dragged on for a few more moments before he clears his throat. “So, how’s the head doing?”

“It’s manageable,” She said, followed by a small shrug. “It’s kinda like a constant nagging feeling at this point.”

“Nagging? Last I checked Bobby wasn’t around.”

The two of them share a laugh.

“If it only were that type of nagging,” Lucy sighed a little and hesitates, she wasn’t sure whether to tell Dean that the longer today had gone on, the more out of place she felt. “Have you heard from Sammy recently?”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “What? On his honeymoon? Are you kidding me? I don’t need to be involved in any of that.” When he sees Lucy frown, his expression grows more worried. “He’ll be back late tonight Luce, but you know that. I still think they’re coming home too early, but you know him and Jess, family is family, even though they should now be more worried about each other.”

“Jess…” The name sounded strange to her, like it was some long forgotten memory, and it wasn’t until she caught Dean’s look that she realised she’d even said anything out loud. “Right, of course. Um…why are they coming home early?”

“For…us,” Dean said slowly, frowning at her. “You know, our parents insisting that we have family birthday celebration tomorrow night? No matter how old the two of us get.”

Lucy smiles. “You mean me getting to celebrate watching my little brother get a year older.”

Dean snorts. “You’re thirteen minutes older bitch, I get to watch you go grey first.”

She chuckles, but it hangs a little hollow in the air, very aware of Dean watching her.

“Lucy,” His voice is soft. “What’s going on?”

Sighing, Lucy picks at the label on her beer. “I don’t know. Ever since I woke up this morning I’ve just felt out of place, like…this isn’t real, or I don’t belong here. It’s weird, but anytime I seem to think on something too much, this damned headache gets worse, but no matter I do to get rid of the headache, it just keeps coming back. I feel like I’m going crazy Dean, and not in a good way.”

Dean frowns. “Does Crowley know this?”

“No,” She rests back, closing her eyes. “It’s only been as the day’s gone on that it’s been plaguing me more and more. I don’t want to worry him with anything while he’s at work, he’s got enough on his plate as it is.”

He is silent for a moment thinking. “Why don’t you and Crowley come over for dinner tonight? I’m sure Lisa won’t mind and I know Ben would love to spend more time with his aunt.”

Her head throbbed painfully and Lucy winces, sitting up straight with a sigh. “I…I dunno Dean, I don’t want to worry everyone,” She shoots him a look. “And you hate Crowley.”

“I don’t hate him,” He said, a little amused. “I just don’t like him, there’s a difference. I’m sure I can put up with him for a couple of hours, not to mention he’s virtually family at this point anyway.”

“Wow, how did that taste in your mouth?”

“Terrible,” He chuckled. “Repeat it to anyone and you’re dead.”

Lucy laughs softly and breaks away from his gaze, pausing for a moment, Dean waiting for whatever she wanted to say. “You know…making the bed this morning, I expected there to be a knife under my pillow. I went to pick it up, like it was completely ordinary, and then stood there confused when there was nothing there. I can’t escape this feeling that all this safety is just…wrong. I don’t need to burden you and your family with that.”

“Well, the offer is there.” Dean said quietly. “And as for the whole…feeling thing, it could just be one of those days Luce, you know, when you wake up thinking it’s Friday but it’s Monday type thing.”

“Maybe…” She said quietly without looking at him, but Dean could tell by the slump in her shoulders that she didn’t believe him.

It reached about 3 o’clock when Dean sent her home, letting her know that he would cover the rest of the afternoon and that she needed to rest, her face having turned pale and her hands clammy.

She didn’t bother with aspirin this time, heading straight for the liquor cabinet and pouring herself a glass. As she sits heavily on the lounge, she shoots Crowley a text letting him know that she was home early, that the head hadn’t cleared.

Each sip that burns down her throat seemed to ease the pain, but in doing so brought more thoughts to her mind, things that didn’t quiet add up, her stomach churning away.

Lucy didn’t remember dozing off, but a warm pair of hands on her shoulders soon disturbed her from sleep, stirring and opening her eyes enough to see Crowley standing behind her, making her smile softly. “Hey…”

“Hey,” He said quietly, smiling but concerned. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” She leans into arm. “I could use a cuddle.”

Crowley chuckles softly and kisses the top of her head. “Let me go get changed and then I’m all yours.”

Lucy hums and waits for him, half dozing again, realising just how much the headache had taken out of her. A soft sighs leaves her as Crowley joins her on the lounge and pulls her carefully into his side, fingers brushing through her hair.

“How was work?” She mumbled tiredly.

“Boring, as usual.” He said lightly. “Although, I did get to fire someone.”

“Bet you liked that.”

“It certainly changed the day up,” Crowley gently brushed her cheek. “There were lots of tears and yelling to the point security had to be called, nothing you have to worry about of course, he had just messed up for the last time. I keep warning them all that I can only give so many warnings.” There was a pause. “How was your day?”

Lucy relaxes further into him. “Ordinary, Dean being Dean, nothing unusual apart from the headache.”

“Ah, any insults thrown my way again?”

“You could say that, each time Sam and Dean talk, I can’t decide who likes you less,” She gave a small chuckle. “Although, Dean did invite us around for dinner.”

“Oh, I’m sure that would be lovely.”

She moves a little so she can look at him. “That was nice for him Crowley, give him some slack.”

Crowley smiles. “Maybe, because you asked so nicely.”

Lucy snorts and the two of them chuckle before she snuggles back into him. “This is nice, we should do this more often.”

His hand, which had returned to her hair, pauses. “We do this every night love.”

“Well…more than that then.”

He remains still for a moment longer before he chuckles softly and continues. “Maybe we should have a holiday, we don’t even have to go anywhere, we can sit here like this all day.”

Lucy smiles. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Juliet would certainly like it.”

“You know if you don’t take her for a walk tonight, she’ll start chewing through the fence.”

Crowley hums a little thoughtfully. “Probably, maybe I can sick her on Dean.”

“Crowley…”

He chuckles. “I know when to play nice love.”

Lucy makes an indignant noise, but doesn’t move, curling up tighter and closing her eyes.

“Did you want some dinner?”

“Later, I’m comfortable.”

“Hmm, and if I’m hungry?”

“I’m sure you can manage for a little while.”

“Oh, the things I do for you.”

“You love me.”

Crowley chuckles, just letting her lay there quietly, content for the moment that this was how they were going to spend their night.

The next morning, Lucy happily awoke wrapped in Crowley’s arms, her head feeling clearer. She yawns and stirs a little, snuggling in closer to him, a sleepy chuckle reaching her ears before kisses are pressed into her hair and face, making her giggle.

“Happy birthday love,” Crowley said sleepily. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Much better thank you.” She tilts her head enough so that their lips can meet, their kisses soft and lazy. “Do we have a plan for today, apart from work?”

Crowley smirks and captures her lips in a deeper kiss, gently pushing her onto her back, making her smile, a small moan leaving her, her hands burying into his hair.

She broke away from the kiss to draw in a breath, shivering as Crowley continued the kiss down her jaw and throat, his hands slipping under her shirt.

“You know we’re going to be late if you keep this up.” She said, a little breathlessly.

Crowley lets out a low growl. “We’re in charge, they’ll manage.”

He slips her shirt off and Lucy arches into his touch, biting her lip, tugging his mouth back to hers, her legs wrapping around him, making him moan and start to grind against her.

That was when a bolt of pain shoots down her spine, making her gasp, the headache from the day before returning tenfold.

Crowley breaks away instantly, his expression worried at her very pained expression. “What happened?”

Lucy groaned, her eyes screwed up against the pain, a tremble going through her body. “I…I dunno. Fuck that hurts.”

She whimpers as he moves away, curling up in on herself, the pain in her back easing slightly, but doing nothing against the pain in her head.

Crowley returns a moment later, a glass of water in hand. “Here love.”

Her hands are shaking as she takes it, eyes blurred and barely making out the tablets in his other hand. With his help, she managed to down them, draining the glass of water, before wrapping her arms around him, burying into his chest, more pain bolting through her.

His hands are gentle as he rubs her arms. “Do you want me to get you to a hospital love?”

Lucy shakes her head, despite the pain. “No, it should ease up.”

“Lucy…” His voice was filled with concern. “You’ve never had anything like this before.”

“I know,” She whimpers. “But please…not today…I can’t…”

She didn’t know how long she was there curled up in his arms, but Crowley didn’t move until she did, the pain having eased, but it was clear from her expression and the paleness of her face that she wasn’t going to be up for anything.

Crowley brushes her hair back gently, still worried. “How are you feeling?”

Licking her lips, she manages to sit back on the bed slowly. “Ah…I could use some more water…”

He nods and grabs her glass, disappearing quickly and returning with a glass and a jug, both full. She takes it and drains it quickly, not understanding why she was feeling so parched.

His hand rests on her knee. “Love?”

Lucy sighs and nods, feeling better. “I’m…I’m okay, I just…need to rest I think.”

He doesn’t look convinced. “I’ll give Dean a call, let him know you won’t be in, then I’ll call my office.”

“Crowley, you don’t have to…”

“I do,” He said softly. “I can’t leave you here like this. If something happened I would never forgive myself.”

Lucy shudders against another wave of pain, not anything like the first, but still very prevalent and she forces her eyes shut.

“That settles it,” Crowley said firmly, but gently. “I’m not going anywhere today, and neither are you.”

“But we have dinner tonight…” She whined a little, turning away from the light that even behind closed eyes felt too bright.

“Well, let’s hope it’s cleared up by then,” He moves and kisses her forehead softly. “Get some sleep love, let me handle today.”

Lucy spent most of the day sleeping, much to her own dismay, it wasn’t exactly how she wanted to spend her birthday. Crowley would check up on her constantly, usually including food and fresh water, and she had a quiet chuckle to herself when she woke up at one point and Juliet was curled up on the bed next to her.

It was late afternoon before the worst of the pain had eased and she managed to drag herself to the bathroom to have a shower, it helping to ease some of the last of it, only left as a niggle in the back of her mind. Crowley joined her and made sure that she was alright, making sure that she didn’t rush and trigger anything again.

“We don’t have to go,” Crowley said, watching as she slips her shoes on later that night. “I’m sure they’ll understand you haven’t been well.”

Lucy smiles a little wearily at him, the tiredness still in her eyes but colour had returned to her cheeks. “I’m okay Crowley, I promise, I feel a lot better than I did this morning. Besides,” She stands and moves to him, her arms wrapping around his neck. “I’m sure you don’t want to miss a Winchester celebration, it’s always one hell of an event.”

Crowley doesn’t look convinced. “Right now, my concern is you.”

“Then let’s go,” She said. “Because I want to go, I’m not going to have my whole birthday be a total bust.”

He sighs and relents, resting his forehead against hers for a moment. “If you feel anything close to what you did this morning…”

“You’ll be the first to know, I promise,” She kisses him softly and can’t help but let a small smirk come to her. “And if all goes well, when we get home we can continue what we were doing this morning.”

Crowley finally gives a small smile in return and the two of them finally leave, Crowley driving. Lucy doesn’t miss the sidelong looks he gives her as they drive, but she decides to ignore them, letting the cool night air wash over her from the open window, breathing deeply to keep any remaining pain at bay.

They reached her parents’ home and there was a round of greetings and concerns about whether she was alright. It took a little while, but through some laughter, eventually everyone settled back down and she got to ask Sam and Jess how their honeymoon was, while Dean made faces behind Sam’s back, Lisa hitting him to stop, making him laugh.

For such a small group, there seemed to be a lot of talking, but with the talking was a lot of laughter, and Lucy could feel herself relaxing a little, letting the noise wash over her, even excitedly talking with Ben over the latest video game that was due out soon, only being stopped by Lisa who dragged him outside to help set the table.

Lucy finds herself alone for a moment, and she watches her parents interact out by the barbecue, a soft smile coming to her as they laugh together, Mary hitting John on the arm with a towel. The longer she watched though, the more the moment seemed wrong, the smile fading from her lips and something tugging from deep down in her memory.

Dean comes in and throws her a beer, one she barely manages to catch in time as he sits down next to her. “Lucky you didn’t drop that.” He looks at her carefully. “So, you sure you’re okay? You’re still looking very peaky.”

Lucy nods. “Says the one that just threw me a beer.” She could feel Dean’s gaze on her, knowing that the usual jibe wasn’t in her vice. “I’m fine boss, you don’t have to check up on me.”

“Sure I do,” Dean said. “What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t? Not to mention, I’m a valued employee, I need to impress the boss.”

She gives a small laugh, before her smile slowly fades, the memory tugging at her again. “Dean…did we ever go hunting as kids?”

He frowns. “What makes you ask that?”

“I don’t know,” She said quietly, looking out the window again at Mary and John. “It just…came to me, as I was watching Mum and Dad, this weird memory of hunting…”

Dean thinks and slowly shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so. Mum never liked the idea from memory.”

“Huh,” Lucy frowns, trying to ignore the new twinge of pain starting in her mind. “So we don’t…Dad never taught us to shoot?”

“Oh yeah, he did that,” Dean said, smiling at the memory. “You and I both made Nationals one year, man that was fun.”

“He taught us on a shooting range?” She asked, confused.

“Well, yeah? Where else was he going to teach us?” Dean leans forward to look at her, even as she carefully avoided his eye. “Luce, are you sure you’re okay?”

She had no answer for him, more memories coming through, some she didn’t want to ask about, her gaze wondering back to her parents.

She’d mourned her mother, although, she was just a little too young to remember all of it, each memory seeming vague. Many years later, as an adult, she’d mourned her father, something that had devastated her at the time.

What was this?

“What are the two guest of honours hiding away in here for?” Sam asked loudly as he enters, grinning between the two them. “I know we said we’d all set up, but that doesn’t mean the two of you can just sit in here and do nothing, or have both have you really gotten that lazy?”

“Cute Sammy,” Dean said. “I think being on your honeymoon has addled your brain on who has a physical career here.”

Sam laughs. “Physical career? Sitting there drinking beers all day? Now that’s cute Dean.”

Lucy huffs a laugh and nudges Dean. “Leave Sammy alone Dean, he came back early for us, remember? I think it’s more he didn’t get his brain addled enough.”

Dean laughs loudly, even as Sam flushes. “Aww, are we spoiling your fun times?”

Sam rolls his eyes, smiling. “You’re spoiling something, but I’m going to give you the satisfaction of knowing what. Are you two going to come outside or what?”

A sharp pain made Lucy flinch slightly, rubbing her fingers over her temple, a faint high pitched ringing starting in her ear.

“Uh…yeah, sure.” Dean said, casting a worried glance at Lucy. “We’ll be out in a minute Sammy, just give us a sec.”

Sam’s grin drops and he looks between them for a moment before looking at Lucy, who’s gaze had gone distant, her discomfort clear. “Is everything okay Luce?”

Sam…Sam had been studying to be a lawyer, but he’d never gotten the chance to put it to use, he’d escaped the life altogether until…until Jess was killed…the same way as Mary…

Dean had been with Lisa for a while, but then…then he’d had to erase her memory of him…to…to protect her…protect her from what?

Lucy’s expression screws up in pain and she pinches the bridge of her nose, drawing in a deep breath, trying to force whatever this was into clarity, her head throbbing. None of this was real, was it?

A hand rests on her knee and she meets Sam’s gaze as he crouches in front of her. “He hasn’t done anything to you, right?”

Sighing, Lucy stands, suddenly irritated. “Why is it that that is the first thing you guys go to? No, it’s fine, we’re better than fine, so just keep your noses out of it.”

Sam holds up his hands, apologetic. “I’m sorry Lucy, this has just seemed to come on suddenly, we’re just worried, that’s all.”

“About the wrong things,” She said, frustrated. “Honestly we have more important things to worry about than what Crowley is doing and whatever he might be…be…” The words stopped on her tongue, trailing off, not even entirely sure what she’d been about to say. She grits her teeth and glares between the two of them, just catching their shared worried look. “Look, I love Crowley, and neither of you are ever going to change that, got it?”

They both nod, remaining silent.

“Good.” She snapped. “Now, I’m going outside. I need some air.”

Lucy storms away before either of them can stop her, the back door swinging a little wildly as she hits it.

“Hey! Easy on the door!” John called, but Lucy ignored him, going and standing in the middle of the yard, staring at the sky as she draws in several deep breathes.

She knew that eyes were on her, but right now, it didn’t matter, she had to get her focus back here, back in this moment, whatever else was going on, could wait.

“You okay there kiddo?” John asked, approaching quietly. “You look rather distressed.”

Lucy lets her shoulders relaxed. “I…I don’t know Dad, I feel like I don’t know anything right now and it’s frustrating me. There’s just…there’s something going on and I don’t know what to do about it, or how to handle it and…ugh…”

John gives her a small smile and wraps an arm around her shoulders. “Welcome to the wonderful world of adulthood sweetheart, nothing ever makes sense.”

She gives a harsh laugh and looks at him. “That was cute when I was eighteen Dad.”

He grins. “Got you to smile didn’t it?”

Her laugh is softer this time and he gives her shoulder a squeeze. “Come on, just enjoy tonight, tomorrow I’ll come round to the shop and help out whatever way I can, how does that sound?”

Lucy nods slowly, smiling. “Okay…I think I can manage that.”

“That’s my girl,” He gives her shoulder another squeeze and kisses her temple. “Now, come on, I’d hate for those boys of mine to get all the best cuts of steak!”

There was denials from Sam and Dean, but Lisa, Jess and Ben were quick to jump against the two of them, starting a round of laughter around the table as Lucy takes a seat next to Crowley, his arm wrapping around waist as he leans into her.

“How are you feeling?” He asked quietly.

She pats his leg and smiles at him. “I’m fine, just had a moment with Sam and Dean, that’s all, got me a bit agitated.”

His gaze is concerned, but there was no time to ask anything else as food was handed around the table and everyone got to dig in.

The more the others talked and Lucy could sit and listen, the more comfortable she felt. Soon, whatever had happened earlier was at the back of her mind and she was comfortably joining in with the others.

The time came for cake and there was a round of cheers and applauds as Lucy and Dean were forced to the head of the table, both grinning a little awkwardly as the worst rendition of happy birthday was sung and they had to blow out the candles, something that quickly ended up in a food fight to see who could get the most cake on each other’s face.

Luckily, after a similar incident the year before, Mary had made two cakes.

“The joys of competitive children,” Mary said, putting down the second cake and starting to cut it up. “I should make you two eat that one.”

This earned another round of laughter, but soon settled as cake was handed around.

Dean, who had drastically lost, shot a glare at Lucy across the table. “You cheated.”

Lucy smirked at him. “A lady never cheats Dean, she just uses what she can to her advantage.”

Dean’s retort was cut off by a ‘hear, hear!’ from Jess and Lisa, who promptly broke into giggles and firmly distracted Dean from Lucy.

As things began to wind down, she found herself helping Mary start to clean a few things up, barely even registering Crowley and John moving further into the yard to talk.

“You shouldn’t be helping me dear, especially when you haven’t been well,” Mary said, smiling at her. “And on your birthday to boot.”

“Don’t be silly,” Lucy said, dumping a pile of plates into the sink. “I’m hardly going to let you do this all by yourself.”

Mary pats her cheek affectionately. “What would I do without you my girl?”

Lucy smiles at her and then stares down at the sink, as she did, the feeling returned, and she found herself motionless for a moment, staring at the bubbles. A flash of blue makes her frown, and she closes her eyes, hoping to chase it away.

_Your mother was never in this part of your life, you haven’t seen her since you were four, since she was killed by Azazel. Your father taught you to hunt but he was a broken man, he did his best, taught the three of you to survive, and then saved Dean’s life with his own. This isn’t real._

Her heart pounded, there is another flash of blue, this time behind her eyes, and she presses her fingers to her eyes, the ringing returning to her ears.

_The three of you managed to kill Azazel, but not without the cost of Dean’s soul. You and Sam did your best to try and fix it but the Hell Hounds came, the two of you going your separate ways until Dean was brought back by Castiel._

Castiel? Why was that name familiar?

_This led to a whole new problem, of seals being broken and Lucifer being set free from the cage. Crowley helped but he was still-_

“Lucy?” A hand shook her slightly and she starts, looking back around at Mary, who was watching worriedly.

“I-I’m fine!” She stammered, staring back at the sink and starting to wash the dishes, perhaps a little hastily. “Just-just got lost in my thoughts for a moment.”

Her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears now that she didn’t know whether Mary replied, she could barely even hear her own thoughts, panic sitting in her throat making it difficult to breathe, her head throbbing from whatever that voice had been, the voice that sounded so much like her.

“Luce? Sweetheart?” Her head snapped up and she looked at John, feeling oddly frozen in place, everything feeling distorted, even as he gives a sympathetic look and holds out his hand. “Come on, I want to show you something.”

Not knowing what else to do, she went along with it. This was her family, her home, she could trust everything and everyone here, right?

There were some candles set up outside and Crowley was standing there looking a little nervous, but still casting her that smile that she loved.

There was something about Crowley…

She barely even registered as John’s hand left hers, leaving her in front of Crowley. Nothing felt real. Nothing felt right.

Crowley took her hands in his. “I know it’s only been a couple of years Lucy, but in all honesty, nothing has ever made me happier and I can’t see myself being with anyone else, and so, very much in front of your very nosey family, despite your brothers well versed accusations, I have something to ask you.”

This should’ve been the happiest moment of her life, but instead, she found herself staring with wide eyes as Crowley gets down on one knee and pulls a ring out of his pocket.

“Will you marry me?”

It was like her head exploded, more memories flooding forth, that blue light burning her eyes, tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

_Crowley is a demon! That’s why Sam and Dean don’t like him! This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real!_

Her own voice was loud in her ears, her heart breaking.

_We are Hunters, we’ve tried this life before and it’s never worked. We always end up back on the road. I know this is what you want because this is all I’ve ever wanted! But please! SNAP OUT OF IT._

The crystal clearness of the thought made everything suddenly snap into place, drawing in a sharp breath as her hunter instincts kicked back in and she understood what sort of world was being shown upon her, she understood why it all felt so wrong.

None of this was real. This was a wish.

“Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck!” The words stammered out of her mouth before she even registered them.

She’d been stupid, hunting alone, and now she’d ended up here, a slow feast to be drained day by day by day.

“Fucking Djin!” Lucy spat, ignoring the confused glances from her family and an especially concerned looking Crowley. “Oh Crowley, I’m so sorry…”

Her chest hurt, her mind working a hundred miles an hour, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked around a little wildly, knowing that she had to get out of this now if she wanted to survive.

Dad still taught us to shoot. There was a gun in the house.

Lucy’s feet were moving before she thought about it, adrenaline pumping through her blood. She could do this, she could still beat this damned thing and hopefully get herself out without dying. It wasn’t a pleasant thought but there was no other choice. She wasn’t going to die like this.

She took the stairs two at a time, ignoring the shouts after her, and she bursts into John’s office, quickly hunting down the pistol in his desk draw and checking whether it was loaded.

Crowley reached the room first. “Lucy, what are you doing?”

For a single moment, she hesitated, the desperation and confusion clear in his gaze. Lucy’s heart hammered in her chest, knowing that this could be the only way that she’d ever get to live like this, but then, it also really wasn’t living.

Her heart broke further, knowing what she was going back to, knowing that her true feelings could never be revealed to the one she loved, that it would end in nothing short of disaster. “I’m sorry Crowley. For what it’s worth, in another life, at a better time, should we even dare…if you asked, I would’ve said yes.”

With that, she put the gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger.

Adrenaline still coursed through her veins as she jerks awake, hanging up by her wrists in whatever dirty, dingy warehouse the Djin was keeping her in, and through gritted teeth, the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, she managed to move, getting motion into her stiff body, ignoring the pain and light-headedness threating to overtake her, feeding on the adrenaline and anger at having been caught like this.

The Djin approached with a scowl, blue light filling the room as he came for her. Lucy swings her legs up, hitting him square in the chest, giving her a moment longer to try and fight free from whatever he’d tied her wrists up with. He was quick to recover though, moving swiftly to grab her, his hand reaching for her head, determined to put her back under.

“I don’t think so fugly!” She spat and twisted out of his grip, managing to swing a little, her feet barely touching the ground.

There was a pillar behind her, one she kicks off, building more momentum and kicking the Djin down again. Her feet hit the pillar again, only this time she ensure she hits a hidden mechanism she’d built into her shoe, a silver blade sticking out, one she promptly uses as she turn and kicks out at the Djin approaching her again.

It only knicks him, but it was enough to slow the attack, enough for her to be able to plant a firm foot on his chest and swing the other leg in, the blade burying into his skull.

The Djin dropped, dead, Lucy letting her legs drop, swinging back and forth a few times before she stills, breathing heavily, her heart pounding. It had all happened so fast, she wasn’t entirely sure if she’d ever be able to really tell what just happened.

Her body relaxed, out of danger, and that was when the real tears started. God, she hated Djin, she hated Djin so much, her body trembling at the memory of all the desires it had pulled forth and twisted into its own sick game. Her head was hurting and she honestly wasn’t sure whether it was from the memory alone, or whether or not she’d actually been hit.

She had to get out of this. She had to get away from here.

Looking up, she realises that getting her wrists free was going to be no easy task, and as her head reeled, she realised that she’d been out a lot longer than what she originally thought.

She’d lost a lot of blood.

Lucy quickly lost track of how long she struggled to try and break free, of how long she hung there, desperately twisting and turning this way that. Her arms were burning, her chest heaving, and she could feel herself getting weaker and weaker.

_This is not how I die._ She told herself hotly, ignoring the heavy tears still rolling down her cheeks. _This is not how I die!_

Eventually though, the exhaustion was too much, her body hanging limply as she fought to get air into her lungs, to focus herself.

Out of options, and feeling weaker by the minute, she begs for help.

“Sam?” Her voice breaks into the empty room. “Dean? You guys haven’t heard from me in a while right? You’re out their looking for me? Tracking my cell?”

The silence was deafening.

“Castiel?” Her voice croaked, her head hanging, not wanting to look around her anymore, the feeling of defeat creeping up her spine. “I know we’ve never seen eye to eye, I know that we’ve had our differences, but please, I could really use a hand right now.”

The silence dragged on and dry sobs left her, no more tears coming, darkness starting to setting in.

“Crowley…” She pleaded as her vision goes dark and the peaceful state of unconsciousness sets in, her voice breaking, knowing that, despite what she’d just been through, the chances of him coming were so small. “Please…”

She remembered no more.


	2. Chapter 2

A beeping cut harshly through her ears, making Lucy groan a little, things slowly coming into focus, her head feeling heavy, her body feeling weak. She struggles to open her eyes and through all the blur she makes out the source of the noise, a heart monitor next to her bed.

A tumble of thoughts made her stare at it, wondering what had happened, two sets of memories seeming to vastly conflict with each other, a pain in the back of her skull not helping to determine which one was real.

“I was starting to wonder whether you’d wake up.”

It was a struggle, but she turned her head towards the voice, her eyes still blurry, but she had a suspicion on who it was. “Crowley?”

“Hello darling,” He said with a grin, casting a quick look at the door. “Can’t stay long, just wanted to make sure you didn’t die on me, I don’t think your brothers would’ve liked that, I think they would’ve been more unbearable than they already are.”

Lucy fights to stay conscious, her body extremely tired, and this just confused her more, frowning slightly, the memories seeming even more unfocused. “What? Did I say yes?”

She couldn’t make out Crowley’s confused expression at this, her eyes closing as she breathes deeply, still trying to stay conscious.

“Get some rest,” He said after a moment. “You lost a lot of blood Lucy.”

Lucy made a noise, but she couldn’t fight it any more, allowing herself to drift back to sleep, still confused, but it was all too much right now.

It was almost a full day before Lucy stirred again, feeling better this time, blinking up at the hospital lights above her bed, giving herself a moment for her mind to catch up before she looked around the room, seeing the drip being fed into her arm.

She lets out a sigh, the memories clearer, remembering the Djin and what had happened, of the false world he’d put in her mind. There was a sharp pain in the back of her skull that makes her wince, the memory of what she’d done to get out of it seeming all to real.

“Hey,” Lucy blinks and looks towards the door, Sam standing there, smiling, a coffee cup in hand as he enters and sits next to the bed. “We were starting to wonder when you’d wake up.”

“How long have I been out?” She asked, her voice hoarse.

“A couple of days,” Sam said. “You certainly scared the hell out of Dean and I when we got the call you were in hospital. Do you remember what happened?”

“Djin,” She tries to move but quickly decides it was a bad idea, her limps feeling heavy. “I…don’t remember how he got a hold of me, but the rest wasn’t exactly fun.” She frowned then, looking at Sam. “How did I get here?”

Sam shakes his head. “We don’t know, the nurses just told us that someone found you and brought you in.” He looks at her seriously. “You were very lucky Luce, you’d lost a lot of blood and were only just holding on.”

“Oh,” Lucy looks over to the chair on the other side of the bed, one that felt too empty, the memory seeming vague. “Crowley…”

He frowns a little. “Crowley? What’s he got to do with this?”

Lucy licks her lips and screws her face up in pain, it hurting too much to think. “I dunno, I guess the Djin did a worse number on me than I thought.”

Sam gives a sympathetic smile. “He must of if you’ve been seeing Crowley around, can’t imagine that was overly pleasant.”

Her chest ached. “Yeah…I guess…”

“Hey! Look who’s awake!” Dean cuts Sam off, a wide grin on his face as he comes in. “Don’t worry, I’ll murder you later when you’re back on your feet.”

Lucy returns the smile. “Thanks Dean, that makes me feel better.”

He chuckles as Sam shakes his head. “In all seriousness Luce, it’s good to see you back, I thought Sam was going to have a heart attack when we got the call.”

Sam scoffs. “Says the one that went into instant panic mode.”

Dean shrugs, as if it was no big deal. “At least I didn’t burst into tears when I saw her.”

“I did not!” Sam denied, even as Lucy grins at the two them. “Seriously dude? That’s the best you come up with?”

“It got her smiling properly,” Dean chuckles, taking a seat and putting his feet up on the bed. “You mightn’t have cried, but you did go awfully pale.”

“So did you.” Sam said matter-of-factly. “Or did you already forget that?”

“Dean was probably too busy paying attention to a nurse,” Lucy cut in, making Dean laugh. “That’s usually what happens right?”

“Glad you still know my priorities sis,” He grins for a moment before a softness comes to his gaze. “How are you feeling though?”

“Okay, for the most part,” She said. “Still incredibly tired though, which I suppose is a given after facing off against a Djin.”

“You did a Djin hunt on your own?” Dean asked flatly. “Are you nuts?”

“It wouldn’t have been the first one I’ve done,” Lucy half smiled at him. “And I still handled it, no matter what condition I’m in.”

Dean still doesn’t look impressed but he sighs. “Well, at least someone managed to find you and get you here, I don’t know what sort of weird luck that is, but at least Sam and I…”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed as Dean trailed off, looking a little pained. “There’s at least that.”

Lucy snorts, closing her eyes. “For two guys that hate chick flick moments, that was one hell of a one.”

“Shut up.” They both said, just making her smile.

It was another couple of days before Lucy was released from hospital and almost a week before she was properly on her feet. She didn’t tell Sam and Dean what the Djin showed her, even when they asked, just joking that it would’ve been their worst nightmare.

Once she’d processed what had happened, she wanted to keep it herself, as far as she was concerned, no one had to know, even when it started giving her nightmares. She could take a few guesses as to why, but again, she wasn’t about to tell anyone.

Technically speaking she had the same reasons as Sam and Dean to hate Crowley, being on his radar more than a few times, and yet, she could never find it in herself to do so. She was never really sure why, and it had taken her some time before she realised that she had any sort of feelings towards the demon, and that was something she’d never really come to terms with.

Now that he’d saved her life, it seemed, it was even worse.

She’d actually met Crowley before the apocalypse, not that Sam and Dean knew this, she knew that that was safer information to keep to herself, and it seemed that Crowley realised that too, the two of them having never talked on it since.

Lucy hadn’t done the same as Sam when Dean had made the crossroads deal, she’d still freaked out, and there’d been a lot of yelling, but she hadn’t done everything she could to try and get him out of it. She knew that this was a deal that was sealed tight, that the Winchester name was not a popular name in Hell, and they were going to do whatever necessary to make sure they kept him.

Instead, she went after information. She wanted to know as much as she could about it all and maybe, just maybe, she could find same way around it, either before or after he was taken.

The crossroads demon that had turned up when she performed the ritual looked more than amused. “Are both of you really going to try this? Or didn’t little brother give you the memo?”

Lucy calmly lent against the hood of her car, an old bombed out Holden that she felt she spent more time fixing than actually driving. “As much as I’m sure the rest of you like to think so, we do actually communicate with each other. I’m not here to try and make a deal.”

The demons smile had faded, a frown creasing her forehead. “If you’re not here to even try, then I’m not interested.”

A smirk crossed Lucy’s lips. “What? You’re going to run away from a Winchester that quickly? I don’t think your boss would like that.”

She scowled. “I have other potential contracts I can attend to that would more than make up for it, I assure you.”

Lucy nods, still unfazed. “Maybe, but then if I put you in a little devil trap and left you there, it’s not going to do much, is it? I’m sure there’ll be questions as to why no numbers are coming in.”

“You’d have to get me into one first,” The demon rolls her eyes. “Now, stop wasting my time. What do you want?”

“It wouldn’t be that hard, I can promise you that.” Lucy said quietly. “I want to talk to your boss.”

The demon scoffs. “You’re joking.”

“Nope,” Lucy looks around to the empty fields on one side of the road for a moment before looking back at the demon. “You’re not worth my time, I want to talk to him.”

She blinked, taken back for a moment. “How do you know it’s a him?”

“You demons like to think you’re good with words,” Lucy smirks. “But it’s very easy to get you to slip up. Now, be a good little demon and go get him, before I do trap you, torture the information I want out of you, and then use you as an example to the next crossroads demon I summon.”

“He’d kill me,” The demon said quietly. “And then he’d eat you alive.”

“I’d like to see him try,” Lucy waves a hand at her. “So go on, if you can’t talk your way around death, that’s your prerogative.”

The demon hesitated for a moment longer, before vanishing, and Lucy waits, knowing it could be a little while before someone made any sort of appearance again.

The night had been warm but clear, a trickle of sweat beading down the back of her neck as she watches the stars above, looking for the constellations she knew to pass the time. She had little doubt that the demon would deliver, by name alone she was worth more than what most other people were, and the fact that she wanted to talk would draw some attention.

As the night dragged on, she pulled her pistol free, checking it over, making sure that it was all in working order and loaded.

“I do hope you don’t intend to use that on me.”

Lucy didn’t look up straight away, holstering her gun. “No, that would be waste of ammo and I’m sure it would only piss you off, believe or not, I am smarter than that.”

“But not so smart as to ask to talk the King the Crossroads,” He said, a little flatly. “I hope you realise the consequences of doing so.”

She chuckles, unable to help it, finally looking at him, taking him in as he stood before her, a careful distance away. “I already told the little demon I’m not here to make a deal, I just want to talk, but I can understand your caution.”

Crowley snorts, amusement flicking across his eyes. “If that is meant to be a threat, it’s a very poor one.”

“Take it how you want, but I’m sure you’re powerful enough to know if I’m lying or not.” Lucy said, still not moving from her car. “I’m not here to barter or try and get you to free Dean’s soul.”

He observes her closely, taking a moment to decide on how to take her and whether or not he had reason to be as cautious as he was. There was no lie in her voice, but it seemed to go against everything he’d been told about the Winchester’s. The two of them were alone out here, but for some reason, that was little comfort.

Finally, he smirks. “Very well darling, I’ll play your game. What did you want to talk about?”

“I want to know how Hell works,” She said simply. “Crossroad deals, twisting a soul into a demon, all of it.”

This definitely takes him back. “I’m sorry?”

“Call it professional curiosity,” She said. “Seeing as my brother is getting thrown in there and all.”

Crowley stares at her, quickly hiding his shock. “You know, you could always die and find out.”

Lucy shrugs. “I could, but I do rather like being alive, not only that, I assure you, you’d be the first one I was after.”

Her grin gets a laugh out of him, and he can’t help but shake his head. “Oh, I like you darling, even if those threats are rather empty.” He thinks for a moment. “You know I can’t just give that information for free?”

“And you know I’m not going to give up my soul for some information,” She said. “Hence why I said I wanted to talk.”

He stared at her. “Information for information then?”

“If you think that’s fair,” She folds her arms across herself. “Or are you still being overly cautious?”

“Considering how painful you Winchester’s have been to deal with, I’d say it’s more than fair,” He clipped. “But don’t take it for one moment that I’m afraid of you.”

“There is a big difference between caution and fear,” Lucy said. “I know you could snap your fingers and I’d be a pile of dust on the wind. You won’t of course, but you could.”

Crowley snorts. “And why exactly won’t I? I am a very busy person believe it or not.”

“Professional curiosity,” She smirks. “You want to know what I’m playing at, why I’m not just demanding things, it has you more than a little stumped.”

He didn’t like being read, he was more careful than that, but it seemed she could see right through him. “I could just torture you and get the information I want.”

“You could,” She agrees. “But you’d have to get a hold of me first.”

Chuckling, Crowley steps closer. “My, my, aren’t you the confident little hunter? Toying with the King of the Crossroads is never a wise option darling, you may just find-”

He stops, about a meter before her, and looks at the ground.

“You were saying?” Lucy asked, having not even flinched. “Or have I stumped you for words again?”

Crowley toed the line of the devils trap that was not under his feet, but hers, preventing him from getting any closer to her without trapping himself. He looks at her, finding her watching him, amused. “Aren’t you a brave one?”

She grins. “I could always pull the lighter out of my pocket, then you can get the real answer to that.”

It was then Crowley took notice of a string that was sitting on the hood of her car next to her, within very easy and quick reach, and he followed it down, finding the other end buried into the ground.

“I could just leave.” He said, his voice quiet, looking back to her. “You don’t have me trapped.”

Lucy shrugged. “Well, off you go then, I’m not stopping you.”

Crowley stared at her and knew instantly that all the reports he’d received on her were very wrong, and so, he takes this very new situation in his stride, letting his shoulders relax and burying his hands in his pockets. “Very well darling, you have my full attention, question for a question.”

“A name would be good first,” She said. “Unless you would prefer that lovely title of yours?”

He snorts, amused. “The name’s Crowley, Lucy Winchester, and I don’t recommend trying my patience more than what you already have.”

Lucy smiles and shrugs again. “I’m just playing the game, Crowley, if you can’t keep up with me, that’s your problem.”

She was still sure that she’d learnt the most a human had about Hell in a very long time, once she’d got through the jokes and lies about it all, Crowley not making it easier to get the information she wanted, at least, not until he realised that she was being completely honest with every question he asked her. He didn’t understand it, but never did question it.

They met a couple of times after that before the apocalypse brought everything to a head, she was the one that had led Sam and Dean to Crowley, not that they knew that, and while the information she’d gained on Hell was useful, it hadn’t really helped Dean until he was back, and she could actually talk to him about it and what he went through. He never asked how she knew so much, but he was more than grateful that someone understood without him having to explain it.

After the apocalypse and the fall of Lucifer and Michael, Crowley only saw her once on her own, having let Dean go his own way while she kept hunting, keeping in touch with Bobby. She felt like a bit of an idiot on this occasion because she’d successfully gotten herself lost and had a map spread out on the boot of her car trying to work out where she was while cursing under her breath.

“Car troubles darling?”

Lucy rolled her eyes, glancing up to find Crowley leaning on her car, smirking at her. “Don’t you think I’d be at the other end of my car?”

He shrugs. “Probably, but you were foolish enough to get yourself lost, so I figured you must just be struggling with directions.”

Snorting, Lucy turns back to her map. “What can I do for you oh King of the Crossroads?”

A chuckle leaves him at the heavy sarcasm in her voice. “It’s actually King of Hell now, darling, it seemed that little apocalypse was actually good for something.”

“A promotion? You must feel so blessed.” She didn’t bother looking up. “And that matters to me how?”

“A simple courtesy call,” Crowley said, watching her. “And a warning to tell you to stay out of my business.”

She’d never been able to put her finger on it, but there was just something in the way he said it that, even today, made her pause and think on it. She finally met his gaze again. “Up to something are we?”

“With a change of management comes a change of plans,” He said vaguely, grinning. “And I felt it only fair, after all your help, that I return a bit of a favour.”

“By being obscure about it,” Lucy sighs. “I suppose I shouldn’t expect any less.”

Crowley pushed himself off her car and stepped closer, a trickle of tension shooting up her spine, although she knew that there was little she could do if he did try anything.

“No,” he said, the amusement gone from his expression. “You shouldn’t, and if you’ve alluded yourself otherwise, I recommend changing that view quick smart.”

Lucy held his gaze. “I haven’t alluded myself to anything, I assure you, I was simply remarking that you are even bothering at all.”

“As I said, a courtesy,” he said. “If you stay out of my way, then I won’t have to hurt you.”

“You know you’d be doing yourself a favour if you killed me,” She said flatly. “With Sam trapped with Lucifer and Dean quitting, I’m the last Winchester out on the road putting up with your nonsense.”

Crowley snorts. “As much as I like the idea darling, you’re much too valuable to kill, I may just need your help again one day.”

“I’m sure,” She broke away and went back to her map. “Keep telling yourself that I’d do it.”

She did tense this time as he lent in close to her ear. “Keep telling yourself that you won’t, it’ll be much more amusing when I have you under my thumb.”

Lucy swallows and looks at him, but he’d already stepped back, a subtle smirk on his lips and he points to a spot on her map. “You’re here, by the way.”

He vanished before she could say anything else, and she huffed, realising he was right, about more than one thing. “Bloody demon.”

Of course, once she’d found out exactly what he was doing, there wasn’t really much she could do to avoid being involved, quickly following after Sam and Dean, but she had a feeling that Crowley knew this, her presence only seeming to amuse him.

Then, she did something very, very stupid.

She saved his life.

It had been a gut reaction, purely instinctual, and it had made her question everything. It was why her and Castiel got along even worse now than they did before. She’d shot him to protect Crowley. Luckily, Sam and Dean hadn’t been there to see that one, and, as far as she knew, Castiel had never mentioned it to them, she was pretty sure they wouldn’t take it well, even less so when she had no explanation.

That was when she’d questioned herself about him, questioned exactly what it was that was going through her mind about him. She didn’t like the explanation she came up with.

Now, with him saving her in return, it was making it all feel much more complicated.

It had taken her a few days before she managed to confirm that it had indeed been Crowley that got her out of her tight spot, the final confirmation coming from a nurse just as she was signing herself out, saying that it was a shame he couldn’t stick around, being as handsome as he was. Lucy didn’t ask for specifics, Sam and Dean waiting too close by, but it was enough to know the memory of him sitting by her bedside was very real.

Which conflicted her further.

There was something about Crowley…

Once discharged, the real shock came when Sam and Dean told her about what they’d been up to while she was out on her own, talking about meeting their grandfather, taking out one hell of a demon, and then getting a key to Men of Letters storehouse.

Then, they told her that they knew how to close the gate of Hell.

“Oh?” She realised too late that this was not the response they were looking for, Dean, Sam and Kevin giving her an odd look. “I mean, that’s great news.”

Dean frowns at her. “I feel like you’re not overly happy about this.”

“Of course I am,” She said, too quickly, not meeting their gazes. “God, we’ve been dealing with demons long enough, of course that’s a good thing.”

He looks at her seriously. “Luce, if you got a problem with this, I’d rather know now.”

“I don’t have a problem with it Dean,” Lucy meets his gaze calmly. “It just seems like it’s us that’s always fixing the world’s problems. It gets tiring.”

“Well, who else is going to do it?” Dean asked as Sam sighs. “If you’ve got any volunteers, please, point them out to me.”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t be dramatic, I’m not saying I won’t do it, just voicing that I’m tired of doing it.”

Dean remained unconvinced, but he let it drop, Sam shaking his head between the two of them and Kevin watching Lucy carefully, he’d been around them long enough now to know a few tricks of the trade.

He knew that she wasn’t telling the whole truth.

Lucy didn’t want to think on it any more than she had to, and it just so happened that she was still recovering when Sam and Dean had to take off to complete the first step. She remained behind with Kevin, the phone sitting on the table next to her in case they needed help.

Kevin watched as she flicked through one of the many books in the library, her eyes scanning over the pages, pausing occasionally to read something more in depth.

“Do you mind if I ask you something?”

She glances up and smiles at him. “Go for it.”

Kevin didn’t return the smile. “Don’t you think if the three of you actually told each other the truth, things would be a lot easier?”

She stares at him for a moment too long, breaking away from his gaze. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You do,” He said. “And for whatever reason you seem to want to keep this awfully close to the chest.”

Sighing, Lucy closes the book. “Look, I meant what I said to them Kevin, I do want to close the gates to Hell, demons have done enough to our family, and there are enough other things out there to deal with without some of their nonsense too. From Azazel to Ruby to Crowley…” She trails off for a moment, the ache in her chest returning, but she shakes her head. “It is what is, the Winchester’s off to save the world again, dragging whoever they need to along on the way.”

Kevin was frowning though. “Why do I get the feeling then that there’s something holding you back from being really happy about this?”

“You want something to eat?” Lucy stands and starts to head towards the kitchen.

“Lucy-”

“I’m fine Kevin,” She said it a little angrily, but managed to keep most of the bite out of her tone. “I’m just…dealing with some things, things I don’t need the boys and you to know about right now, and if things go…well enough, then you won’t need to know.” She sighs. “Look, just…keep this quiet, okay? I don’t need them worrying about me, and I’m not in any sort of danger, so, just focus on this, that’s what matters, right?”

Lucy walks away before he can say anything else, and it takes a moment before he can hear her in the kitchen. Sighing, he sits back in his chair, a pen tapping on the table, wondering what to do about it.

She really didn’t know how to deal with the news that they’d completed the first step, both in the success of it and that it was Sam that had put himself out there to do it, she just kept her act up in saying they were doing the right thing.

After a little while in the bunker on backup, she took to the road again on her own, assuring Sam and Dean that she was going to ease back into, even though they both knew she was more than capable. Neither of them had said it, but the Djin incident had put them both a little on edge.

Out on the road, Lucy could force some of the memories and thoughts away, although, it still wasn’t stopping the nightmares, and after a few weeks and a call from Dean, she found herself back, throwing her bag in her room, something that still felt strange, even if this place was now their own.

“How was the vamp hunt?” Sam asked as she came back to the library, sliding a couple of beers over to the two of them, ignoring the slightly nervous look from Kevin.

“Same old, same old.” She shrugs as she sits. “Nothing too complicated, just an in and out nest, they weren’t very good at hiding themselves.”

“No problems?”

She raised an eyebrow, glancing at a both concerned and slightly angry Dean. “No? Why would there be?”

Sam went to answer, but Dean beat him to it, cutting straight to whatever was bothering him. “Have you made a demon deal?”

Lucy’s eyebrows shot up, stunned. “What?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me,” Dean said, frustrated. “Have you made a demon deal? Is that why you don’t want to close the gates of Hell?”

“No!” She said, a little angry. “Why would you even think that Dean?”

“Because Kevin said you were still acting odd over it all!” Dean snapped. “And that’s the only reason the three of us can come up with for it.”

Lucy makes a disgusted noise. “Let me say it again, Dean, no. Nothing would ever possibly make me make a demon deal, and even if I had, I would still want the gates closed, which I still do now!”

“Then why are you acting so weird about it?” Dean asked, cutting Sam off again, who sighs. “Last I checked we didn’t owe any demons any favours.”

“I’m not acting weird over it,” She growled. “I’m just trying to deal with something and I’m sorry if that means my entire focus isn’t on closing the gates!”

“We’re just trying to find out what’s wrong Lucy,” Sam said quickly, cutting in over Dean, who rolled his eyes and took a heavy drink of beer. “Your reaction just wasn’t what we were expecting, and after what Kevin told us…”

She shoots a look at Kevin, who won’t meet her gaze. “Let me ask you both this, have either of you been under the influence of a Djin before?”

They both blanched at the memory.

“Right,” She snapped. “Were either of you able to just shake off that feeling straight away?”

Slowly, they both shook their heads.

“Then there you go, there’s your answer.” Lucy takes a drink. “Honestly, I told you not to worry about me, don’t you think there was a reason for it?”

Sam licked his lips a little nervously. “Then talk it through with us, you know we’re here for that too, not just you for us.”

Lucy sighs heavily, knowing he was right, but this, she knew they wouldn’t understand. “I know Sam, and I’m sorry that I haven’t, but I can’t.”

“Why?” Dean asked quietly. “If it was that bad…”

But Lucy shakes her head. “Because I can’t Dean, and that should be enough of an answer. I’m still out there hunting, so if you guys want to focus on this and I take care of everything else, that’s fine, but just…don’t ask me, please.”

The two of them share a look, and Kevin looks at her guiltily. “I’m sorry Lucy.”

She shrugs. “You were worried, it was fair, but I assure it’s nothing as dramatic as a demon deal.”

“Luce,” Dean said quietly, leaning forward, looking at her closely. “Come on, we’ve got enough going without holding this shit in. Talk to me.”

Lucy sighs. “What do you want me to say Dean? That I got to watch you and Sam be happy? You were with Lisa, Sam had just married Jess, and we were celebrating our birthday with Mum and Dad. Is that what you want to hear?”

Sam and Dean look at each other a little guiltily, but Dean looks back at her. “I’m sorry Luce.”

She grimaces and doesn’t look at them. “No you’re not, not really, because you two can have that life, that normal life. I can’t.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked.

“It means that that is never going to be an option for me,” She said quietly, taking another drink, her eyes shining a little. “No matter what I wish, I’ve just got to live with that memory of what the Djin showed me and deal with it.”

“Lucy,” Dean’s voice was unsure, sharing a quick look with Sam. “What kind of life did it show for you?”

“A happy, normal one,” She said and stood, walking away, resisting the urge to wipe her eyes. “And just leave it at that.”

They watched her go, unsure of the pained set in her shoulders.

“What…exactly does a Djin show you?” Kevin asked.

“Whatever you wish for,” Sam said, watching Dean closely, who was still looking after her. “Makes it seem real. Most normal victims aren’t even aware of what’s actually happening, can live out a whole life in the world that this Djin created for them. The only way out…”

“Is to kill yourself,” Dean said grimly, finally looking away and between the two of them. “Whatever happened to her in that world, wasn’t good.”

“I think it might be the opposite Dean,” Sam said. “I think it might have just been too good. Mum and Dad still around? You and I with-with Jess and Lisa? It wasn’t just her own happiness she was seeing but ours too.”

Dean rubs the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable. “I know man but…Lucy has never stopped hunting, for anything, after anything, even recently with Purgatory and all that, she couldn’t stop. I know that doesn’t really mean much, but in all that time, have you ever known her to be sitting down comfortably with anyone?”

“No,” Sam said slowly. “But that doesn’t mean she hasn’t met someone. It’s not like she ever talks about any of the relationships she’s had.”

“So, what? He’s either dead or worse?” Dean asked.

“I don’t know dude, but I wouldn’t recommend pressing her on it.” Sam shakes his head. “We shouldn’t have pushed it that far.”

Dean winces slightly. “Yeah, but at least we know it’s definitely not a demon deal.”

Lucy sits on the end of her bed, staring intently at the floor, her mind working things over quickly, both frustrated and upset that the thoughts wouldn’t leave her. She wanted to ignore it all, wanted to move on, like she used to, but a part of her knew that there was no turning back on this.

Later that night, Lucy took off, leaving a note for Sam and Dean that if they desperately needed her, to call, but she wouldn’t be coming back any time soon. She needed time away to think and right now, being around them, wasn’t helping.

“I would’ve thought the Djin would’ve changed your mind about hunting alone?”

Lucy looked up from the grave she’d been digging, a little surprised to see Crowley. “It’s never stopped me before, hardly going to let one small incident stop me now.”

He raised an eyebrow, watching as she breaks open the coffin, revealing the skeleton within. “Almost dying is a small incident?”

She sighs and climbs out, grabbing the salt and lighter fluid. “What do you want Crowley?”

“Well, your brothers were being their usual pain in my backside, but I couldn’t help but wonder why you were absent.” He said it lightly, but the question was there.

“You all seem very interested in that.” She growled and started feeling her pockets for matches. “Shit.”

Crowley snaps his fingers and grave bursts into flames, making her jump a little, but then sigh in relief. “Cheers, it’s a long walk back to the car.”

He was frowning at her though. “You know, even when I asked nicely, you still didn’t stay out of it. Now, considering what they’re trying to do, you are? It doesn’t make sense.”

“What can I say, I’m an enigma.” Lucy rolled her eyes and started gathering her things. “My reasons are my own Crowley, whether it’s you asking or them, you’re going to get the same answer.”

This just makes his frown deepen. “I know for a fact darling that you could’ve given them some information.”

Lucy flinches and shoots him an annoyed look. “And then have to explain how I got it? Yeah, right.”

She starts walking back to her car, only to get annoyed when Crowley follows her. She lets the silence drag on for a few moments but eventually has to say something. “What do you want Crowley? I’m really not in the mood to do…whatever it is we normally do.”

“It is a rather simple answer really,” He said. “Apart from annoying you, it seems, although, either way you’re still not going to like it.”

“You’re being as vague as ever.” Lucy opens her boot and throws her stuff in, slamming it shut, only to find him looking amused. “What?”

“You’re bait darling,” He said, causing her to freeze. “Sometimes it really is best to not hunt alone.”

Lucy doesn’t get a chance to react, her world going black.

Bait, the bastard was using her as bait. It was the first thing that came to mind as she woke up, shaking her head to rid the last of the drowsiness on her and looking around herself.

She couldn’t believe it, she was in Bobby’s old salvage yard, Crowley was standing next to her, but apart from that, they seemed alone at the moment.

She shot him a furious look, realising she was tied to a chair and gagged.

“Don’t look at me like that,” He said, catching her look. “What other choice did I have? You’ve never actually been to Hell, if you had, you wouldn’t want to be locked up there forever either.”

Lucy snorts and tries to tug herself free.

“You’re brothers will get you out of this and stop these ridiculous trials, and I get that demon tablet. It’s all win win.” Crowley watches as she struggles. “Even if you got out of that darling, how far do you think you’ll get?”

She tries to say something through the gag, ignoring him.

Crowley rolls his eyes. “Here I was thinking that you weren’t the difficult one.”

Lucy growls in her throat, shooting him another look, one that made him shrug.

“Just play along and you’ll be fine.”

When Sam and Dean arrived, they looked less than impressed, especially when Crowley sounded more than smug about the whole thing. Impatiently, she waited, not really paying attention to the words being said, just wanting her freedom back. She knew full well that this was going to go one way or another, that Crowley was going to get his way or her brothers were going to have a plan.

Sure enough, her brothers had a plan.

Her voice was muffled as Dean moved quickly, snapping a cuff over Crowley’s wrist, and she didn’t need to see the marking carved into them to know that they’d just rendered him powerless, Crowley’s stunned expression more than enough to show that.

Sam was by her side, untying her quickly. “Are you alright?”

“Peachy,” She spat as the gag was finally removed, rubbing her wrists. “I don’t suppose anyone would care to explain what is going on?”

“Yeah, he’s the last piece in helping us close the gates of Hell.” Dean said, looking a little smugly at Crowley.

“What?” Lucy and Crowley said together.

“Turns out demons can be cured,” Sam said and Lucy stared at him, suddenly seeing just how weak and tired Sam looked. “And that’s the final step.”

Lucy pushed this sudden confliction aside. “Are you alright Sam?”

He gives a pained smile as Dean drags Crowley away. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” He realises Dean is leaving and follows. “Come on, the sooner we finish this, the better.”

The car ride was uncomfortable, especially when she had to explain how Crowley had got a hold of her and wondering why she wasn’t being more cautious. She argued that they had never told her just how specific things were in going against him, so they were ones to talk.

She quickly realised that they’d been talking more about her since she’d left, so she let the car sit in an uncomfortable silence, not wanting to discuss it any further.

Never mind the fact that she wasn’t impressed by Crowley being in the boot of the car.

The church was old, almost falling apart, but it was clear this was where Sam and Dean had decided for this to go down. She went in first to make the devils trap in the centre of the church, and she used the few moments alone to reflect on exactly what was going to happen.

They were going to try and make Crowley human.

The very idea made her head spin, and she doesn’t look up as they enter, getting Crowley into the trap and Sam and Dean discussing what had to be done. Lucy moves and sits heavily on the stairs that led up to a small stage like area, suddenly feeling very tired and wanting to be anywhere else but here.

She didn’t want to witness this. Her chest ached with the thought.

Dean came over as Sam disappeared into a side room, pulling a pistol off his belt and handing it her. “You alright?”

“Tired,” She said, taking the gun. “But I guess this is more important than that.”

He nods grimly. “Yeah, but Sam’s got it the worst. We’ve just got to be here for him, right?”

Lucy nods slowly, not meeting his eye. “Right.”

She didn’t ask for details, she didn’t want to know, but seeing the needle and Sam taking his own blood, was enough to tell her what was happening.

Then Castiel turned up and took Dean away, leaving her to look after Sam.

Lucy went through the few weapons Dean had left, mostly to distract herself from what was happening, looking at a particular bottle. “Why have we got holy oil?”

“It comes in handy,” Sam said. “And we don’t really know what’s going to happen with this.”

“I can answer that if you like,” Crowley growled. “It certainly won’t be pleasant for you.”

“Shut up Crowley,” Sam snapped. “You brought this on yourself.”

Lucy bit her tongue hard to hold back a response, keeping her gaze focused on the weapons, picking up an angel blade and turning it in her hands.

It dragged on for a while, until Sam had to take a break, staggering from the room to get some air, leaving Lucy with Crowley.

She could feel his gaze on her, even as she stared resolutely out the window, watching the night. “I don’t suppose you want to get me out of this? You seem very intent on ignoring all this happen.”

It took a moment for her to respond, but she still doesn’t look over. “What do you want me to say to that Crowley?”

“Yes?”

Lucy frowns. “And watch you kill Sam? No thank you.”

“This trial is only going to kill him anyway,” Crowley said, a little irritated. “And you know that. I’d at least make it a quick death.”

She shoots him a glare, but it only causes him to smirk, and she realises that that was what he’d wanted. Rolling her eyes, she points the angel blade at him. “Keep it up, I dare you, my gratefulness in you saving my life will only go so far, and you’ve already pushed that by kidnapping me.”

“We both know how the rules work darling,” He said, glancing back for a moment over his shoulder, queuing Sam’s return. “Because we’ve both been breaking them, whether we admit that to ourselves or not.”

“Is human blood making you sentimental Crowley?” She asked, folding her arms. “Or was that a poor version of an apology?”

“Take it how you see fit.” He said with a shrug and then tips his head back as Sam enters. “Moose! Come on, you don’t really want to do this, right? It would be so much easier to let me go.”

Sam’s gaze is cold. “No, I very much do want to do this, and with all the things you’ve done, you’ll be lucky to get out of this alive.”

Another couple of hours later and it seemed Crowley’s desperation was starting to break through more, the resolve he usually held starting to crumble.

Crowley blanches after another injection and looks a little desperately around the room. “What did you ask forgiveness for in there Moose? I only ask because…with all the things I’ve done…I’m not even sure where I would begin. Where do I even begin to look to ask for forgiveness?”

Lucy catches a very quick look in Crowley’s eye, one that she’s definitely never seen before, one that makes her stomach twist and her heart rate increase.

Fear.

She watches Sam struggle for a moment, muttering under his breath. “Sam…you can barely stand on your feet.”

“I’m fine.” Sam said indignantly. “Just keep…keep watch Luce. I’ll be fine.”

Lucy sighed and looks away again, focusing back out the window, her arms wrapping around herself and wondering just how far she was going to be able to let this go on before she either walked out, or did something incredibly stupid.

Sam’s shout of pain made her jump, only to flinch a moment later when he punches Crowley.

“Are you alright Sam?” She asked, coming over and seeing blood on Crowley’s lips as he looks up at her innocently.

Sam was holding his hand over a bleeding wound. “Bastard bit me.”

Lucy takes his arm before he can do anything else, dragging him outside and tending to the wound, even as Sam tells her not to.

“Don’t be so stubborn,” She said, ignoring his protests. “I’ve been tending to your cuts and bruises since before you could walk Sam, I’m not about to stop now.”

He looks at her, looks at the tired lines under her eyes, at the peakiness in her cheeks. “You look like shit.”

A smile tugs at her lips. “Gee, thanks.”

“I mean it,” He said seriously, watching as she bandages the bite mark. “Have you been sleeping?”

“Now’s hardly the time to be asking me that Sam,” she said quietly. “You don’t have to-”

Sam takes her hands in his, stilling her and letting her meet his gaze. “Luce…”

“It’s just nightmares, okay?” She said. “They’ve been plaguing me for a while, but it’s currently the least of our problems here.”

His jaw clenches and he nods, a little hesitantly, but the two of them head back inside.

The longer it went on, the worse Crowley got, and Lucy could see the panic really starting to set in, as he no longer seemed to be in control of his words. He tried to talk Sam out of it, tried to plead with him, and it turned Lucy’s stomach.

She didn’t want this, her heart breaking with every plea, and she was seriously debating whether or not to stop Sam, no matter what cost.

Sam’s arm lit up and he grits his teeth against the pain, Lucy watching him, her voice quiet. “Sam…you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do.” He said. “We can finally put a stop to all this, to anyone being used by them, to anyone making stupid deals for stupid things, to unnecessary death. Isn’t that what you want too?”

Lucy glanced at Crowley before looking back at Sam, licking her lips as she thought quickly of an answer. “At the cost of your life Sam? At the cost of his?”

“This is bigger than all of us Lucy,” Sam said, pushing her hand away as she reaches out for him. “And if it means one or two deaths along the way, then so be it.”

As he stalks away, back to Crowley, Crowley meets her gaze. “Love…please…”

Her heart hammered in her chest, her mouth dry, and she felt her eyes start to burn. With a strangled noise caught in her throat, she left the room, letting the fresh air hit her, drawing in a deep breath to try and keep herself in control.

One way or another, she couldn’t let this happen. She didn’t know how, but she just couldn’t.

The sound of smashing glass has her head snap around, the hair on the back of her neck rising. She waits, listening, and she knows that something has gone terribly wrong.

Her gun in one hand, the angel blade in the other, she creeps back into the church, keeping herself as quiet and as steady as possible.

The crack of flesh on flesh made Lucy flinch, followed by the loud crash of someone falling over. A part of her didn’t need to hear the next voice to know what was happening.

“Somebody thought it was a good idea to make you the King of Hell.” The female voice snarled and Lucy ducked her head cautiously around the door frame, seeing a red headed woman standing over Crowley.

“You know what that boy's trying to do, right?” Crowley spat out a mouthful of blood, his gaze furious on her. “He's trying to shut the Gates of Hell!”

“Don’t worry, I have a plan to deal with the Winchester’s after we’ve discussed a regime change.” She kicks Crowley hard in the stomach and Lucy catches sight of a silver glint in her hand. “I’ll make sure I handle it, something you don’t seem to be willing to do!”

Lucy moved fast, her gun firing twice, the first shot knocking the blade free from the demons hand, the second a direct shot between her eyes, making her stagger.

She ignored the sudden terrified look Crowley was giving her. “Clearly you haven’t learnt much. Usually if there’s one around, another isn’t far behind.”

The demon rolled her neck, the bullet falling free, looking more than amused. “Like little cockroaches then, you’ll be just as fun to squash under my boot, I assure you.”

“It’s Abaddon, I take it?” Lucy asked, trying to draw out time, hoping that Sam wasn’t too far away with some sort of plan. “Don’t worry, my brothers told me all about you. Was it good fun? Being chopped up into little pieces?”

Abaddon scowled and with a wave of her hand, Lucy’s gun jerked free, spinning to the other side of the room. Somehow, she managed to keep a hold of the blade, standing quickly in a fighting stance.

“Are you actually going to try and fight me?” Abaddon laughed. “I’m a Knight of Hell cupcake. I eat idiots like you for breakfast.”

“And I’m a Hunter, you demonic whore,” Lucy said lightly. “But if that makes you too afraid to do anythi-”

Lucy had to move fast to deflect Abaddon’s blow, so much so that she didn’t even register the blow to her arm, instead, reacting to each movement purely instinctually, her angel blade eventually catching Abaddon across the cheek.  
The two of them stepped away from each other, Abaddon touching the trickle of blood, her eyes glaring back at Lucy, filled with fury. “What do you know? One of you can actually fight.”

“Perks of having never left the game,” Lucy growled, one arm pressed into her body, pain bolting along it now that she had this brief moment to breath, she had little doubt that it had been broken. “You though, that was sloppy, so much for being a so called Knight.”

“Aw, cupcake,” Abaddon’s eyes shift black. “I was just warming up.”

Lucy knew before it happened that she didn’t have a chance against the next blow, even if her arm hadn’t been broken, and as much as she tried to get back into a rhythm, even catching Abaddon with the blade hidden in her shoe, it was all going to be too much.

Abaddon’s hand was around her throat, Lucy barely keeping a grip on the angel blade as it was turned in her hand, the point pressing in under her bottom rib.

“You really think that there’s a point in fighting this?” Abaddon asked, grinning. “That you are actually holding me back?”

“I’m optimistic,” Lucy said through gritted teeth, using everything she had to try and hold the blade back.

Abaddon tuts and the blade sinks into Lucy’s chest easily, a sharp intake of breath leaving her, her body tensing as tears spring to her eyes, the pain unimaginable.

She drops, Abaddon having released her, and Lucy cries out as she hits the floor, both from her arm and the blade now sticking out of her.

“Oh, sorry,” Abaddon mocked. “Did I not tell you I was going to make this as painful as possible for you?”

Lucy grits and bares her teeth, fighting to sit herself up, to get any sort of leverage back that she could.

“Clearly, you just want to make this worse on yourself,” Abaddon said and snapped her fingers.

Lucy screamed as there was a clear resounding snap through the room, starting a coughing fit as blood began to fill her mouth, bringing more pain as she buckles, trying to control it.

“Should I break the other one too?” Abaddon asked. “Or are you going to sit still until I’ve dealt with the so called King over there?”

Abaddon’s footsteps moved away from her as Lucy fought for breath, pain hitting every point imaginable in her body, one arm and now one leg radiating with agony. She spits out a mouthful of blood to the floor, having little doubt that the angel blade had punctured her lung, her chest hurting with every breath.

If she was going to go down, it certainly wasn’t going to be begging for mercy on the floor.

“You know,” Lucy grunt as she somehow managed to push herself back up, all her pressure leaning on her one good leg. “If you were smart, you’d just finish me off.”

Abaddon looked at her amused, twirling her own blade in her hand as she stood back over Crowley. “Is that so?”

Lucy nods, her vision swimming. “You could torture me all you want in Hell, without the risk of having my brothers come and save the day.”

“Lucy…” Crowley’s voice was quiet, but Lucy ignored him.

“Of course, if you kill me,” Lucy smirks at her as best she can. “I can promise you’ll be the first one I’ll come after.”

Abaddon laughs and starts towards her again. “I certainly can’t deny that you’ve got balls, no matter how baseless those threats are.”

“Baseless?” Lucy asked, fighting with herself to stop herself from swaying. “I could work my way through Hell’s ranks before you said ‘Lucifer! Save me!’”

A force of power hit Lucy, launching her across the room and pinning her to a wall, making her cry out as pain ripped through her, Abaddon now looking less than amused.

“Don’t mock me, little girl,” Abaddon said darkly. “I might just take that threat seriously enough to do something about it.”

Lucy grinned, despite it all. “Well, it’s a risk you’re going to have to take then, isn’t it?”

Abaddon’s eyes narrowed on her, before a slow sinister grin came to her. “Is it now? We’ll have to see about that.”

A pinpoint of heat started on Lucy’s shoulder, causing her to jam her eyes shut as it began to intensify.

“If you Hunter’s want to start being clever,” Abaddon said, amused. “You’re going to have to start finding more original ways to protect you from demonic possession.”

The heat turned into burning and Lucy tried to arch away from it, tried to hold onto the scream that was rising in her throat as it felt like her skin was being melted away. Her toes curled and there was a flicker of flame on her shirt, opening up a hole, revealing her burning skin underneath, a black twisted mark all that was left from the tattoo that used to be there.

“I’d like to see your brothers try and kill me while wearing your meat suit,” Abaddon said, approaching closer. “But don’t worry, I’ll make sure to let you watch as I tear them apart.”

Lucy barely sees the jar fly into the room, it smashing over Abaddon, who turns and glares at Sam.

Lucy actually grins as Sam lights a match. “Told you, you haven’t learnt much.”

Sam throws the match and Abaddon catches alight, the holy oil burning her, screaming, until she smokes out and disappears.

Lucy collapses the floor with a loud thunk, barely making her grunt, her body weak from the pain, and she knew, even as Sam ran over, she didn’t have long.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Sam asked, his expression panicked and grim as he looked over her wounds, his hands pausing over the blade still sticking from her chest. “Lucy…”

“Just…buying time.” Lucy coughed a laugh, unable to move, every breath a gurgle in her throat. “It worked…right…”

“We have to get you to a hospital,” Sam said, but it looked like he didn’t even know where to begin. “Shit Luce…tell me what to do here.”

Lucy could feel hot tears streaming down her cheeks, even as her eyes drift shut for a moment. “Let me go.”

“No.” Crowley’s voice rang out and she managed to crack her eyes open enough to see a blurry outline of him, having managed to get to his feet, but still cuffed, his powers useless. “Sam, you have to let me help.”

“Just shut it Crowley,” Sam snapped. “Now is not the time!”

“She is dying!” Crowley said furiously. “And unless you have some sort of spell-”

“You’re not going anywhere until I’ve finished and we can lock that Abaddon bitch up in Hell!” Sam shouted.

“And lock Lucy in there with her?” Crowley asked. “Are you daft?”

The door bursts open then and Dean runs in, his face quickly turning pale, his step faltering as he sees Lucy. “What…”

“There is no time for questions,” Crowley barked. “Let me out and let me help!”

Tears were streaming down Sam’s cheeks, his indecision clear. “We need…we need…”

“You don’t need to anything Sam,” Dean said, coming down and crouching next to Lucy, whose eyes had drifted shut again. “This is it. We’re done.”

“We can’t just-”

“This is going to kill you,” Dean looked over Lucy’s injuries. “I’m not losing two of you today.”

“Are you bloody deaf?” Crowley roared, tugging angrily at the chains. “If you two were any thicker I think I’d be talking to gnats! I’m standing here shouting at you that I can save her life!”

“How?” Dean croaked, looking at Crowley. “She’s in no state to make a deal, not that we’d let you do that anyway.”

“Possession…” They all looked back at Lucy, her eyes open but unfocused. “But you’d have to pull the blade out.”

“We can’t do that Lucy,” Dean said. “It would kill you…”

She makes a small noise that was meant to be a laugh. “Dean…it’s really uncomfortable anyway…”

Dean’s looked away from her, a faint smile coming to him, his eyes shining, meeting Sam’s.

Sam shakes his head. “Dean…no…we can’t do that to her.”

“There’s no other choice here Sam,” Dean said, getting to his feet and heading towards Crowley. “Unless you just want to sit there and watch her die?”

“It must be about time that it was my turn…” Lucy mumbled, the blurriness giving away to blackness. “Was starting to feel left out…”

The three watched as Lucy’s head slumped forward on her chest, Sam’s expression panicked. “Lucy!”

The noises of the world faded, the pain disappeared, and Lucy didn’t hold on anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Something felt weird as Lucy stirred from sleep. She felt too comfortable, too at peace and warm…why was she so warm?

Moving slightly, she registers being buried underneath a duvet, a large, fluffy, duvet, and before she can help it, she yawns widely, reluctant to open her eyes.

She’d been through this before.

Lucy opened her eyes and recognised the room before her. Sitting up, she looks around, the bed empty next to her, and her heart starts to beat a little faster.

This wasn’t real.

Letting out a deep breath, Lucy cautiously gets to her feet, wondering what to expect this time, her frown deepening as she heads down the stairs, trying to remember going after another Djin but coming up blank.

The sound of crying reached her, making her pause at the bottom of the stairs.

No…this was her nightmare again.

Slowly, her hand reached up and touched the back of her head, her fingers coming back covered in blood.

She lets out a shaky breath, telling herself that it wasn’t real, that this was just remnants from whatever the Djin had done to her, but it was a hard feeling to shake. Lucy had expected it to get easier as time went on, but she already felt her chest starting to ache, knowing what she was about to see.

Lucy stood there for a long time, debating whether or not she could go through that again, but as if the whole thing was out of her control, her feet carried her forward.

Crowley was sitting at the table, his head in hands, sobbing, Juliet’s head resting in his lap, completely still, just watching him, her ears back.

Lucy wanted to say something, wanted to try and snap him out of this state of grief, but she knew it was pointless, she’d spent many nights trying, many nights crying along with him, but it all seemed to fall on deaf ears. She had never expected this kind of thing after escaping a Djin, had thought that that existence would be over, and yet, here she was again, and she still had no explanation as to why.

Sighing, Lucy sits at the table, surrendering herself to another night of this, dread sitting in her heart that she knew it was going to get worse. It hadn’t originally, although they still hadn’t been pleasant, but it was like her mind was punishing her for wanting this in the first place.

“Can you blame me?” She asked herself angrily, as if her subconscious would listen. “Can you really blame me for wanting something normal? I’m not stupid, I know my reality, but that doesn’t mean you can’t want something else too.”

She kept her gaze away from Crowley, knowing that it only seemed to make things worse, that it seemed to make things move quicker. It broke a small part of her to see him like this all the time, real or not, and she knew that that was from the depths of her feelings, no matter how much she told herself that she should be ignoring those too.

Lucy leans back in the chair and stares at the ceiling, a defeated set in her shoulders, bitterness in her words. “You could just get on with this you know? There’s no point in dragging it out and making yourself suffer any longer.”

The only answer she received was Crowley continuing to cry.

“What is the point of showing me this again and again and again?” She asked, closing her eyes. “Is this punishment for everything I’ve done? I haven’t gone to Hell or been possessed by archangel, instead I get these god awful dreams from a damned Djin memory that just keep happening night after night after night?”

She felt sick, her stomach twisting over and over. Had the initial dream been different, had she realised sooner that she was trapped by Djin, then she wouldn’t have done it the way that she had, she would’ve made sure that she was alone, but she knew once she realised that time would be short, that either the Djin would notice or she would die.

Now this nightmare was the result.

Sighing, she tries to force herself to wake up, hoping that this time would be different.

Crowley’s crying had turned to deep shuddering breaths and she knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before the next steps happened, her feet always frozen in place, no matter where she followed him too.

Only, this time, it seemed it was different.

There was the creak of a door and Lucy cautiously looked up, this having never happened before, and she wondered just what her mind was going to throw at her next.

It seemed Crowley had also heard the door creak, looking up from the spot on the table, his eyes red, his voice hoarse. “Hello?”

Lucy had never been on her feet so quickly in the dream before, Juliet growling by Crowley’s feet, Abaddon standing there grinning at them.

“What the fuck?” Lucy said. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Abaddon’s grin turned purposefully to her, her eyes shifting black. “You knew this would’ve happened eventually cupcake, no matter how perfect a life it was before.”

“No!” Lucy tried to move as Abaddon went for Crowley, but her feet were firmly stuck to the ground.

Abaddon’s winks at her, her grip tight on the front of Crowley’s suit, Crowley struggling against the hold. “Just take solace in that this would’ve happened with or without you here.”

Lucy fought and struggled as Abaddon started to laugh, a scream rising in her throat, helpless to do anything.

The dream swirled around her and Lucy’s scream continued in pain, her body arching, hands holding her down, shouts all around her that were nonsensical, alarmed, and tears sprung to her eyes before she could make any sense of it all.

“She’s seizing!”

“We need to stabilize her!”

“Her vitals are crashing!”

Lucy plunged back into darkness.

It was some time before she could process what had happened, sometime before her mind caught up with what her body was telling her, and once she had, it took a while before she find a way of comfortably dealing with it.

She was close to death, clearly what was happening outside, was keeping her alive, but for how long, or whether she’d recover, she didn’t know.

There was no acknowledgement of time, so she didn’t know how long she’d been like this, or how long her body had been recovering, but she was glad that there was at least some relief, apart from the initial one she had, there’d been no more nightmares.

A part of Lucy wondered why there was no Reaper to convince her that she was dying, that she had to let go, not that she would, she would much prefer living despite having accepted death in that initial moment, but still, she wondered.

There wasn’t a lot to do in her own little world either, and without the conscious knowledge of the passage of time, she often found herself wandering aimlessly, or sitting down and thinking about how long she’d been sitting there, before having to move again. It was a restless boredom sometimes, and for all the knowledge she had, she didn’t think that there was a way out of this.

In what felt like a small eternity later, sitting out on the swing on the porch in a sunset, something finally changed.

“I’m out here Crowley,” She said quietly, watching the door open out of the corner of her eye, a hesitant Crowley stepping out. “I was wondering if I’d eventually have some sort of visit.”

Crowley frowns, carefully looking her over. “You’re…aware that this is just in your head?”

Lucy nods. “It took a little bit, but yeah.”

He screws his nose up a little and looked around the porch. “And you chose to stay here ?”

She chuckles lightly and pats the swing next to her. “It was the only home I ever really knew, no matter how little or how much time I spent here, it was the most consistent. I’m sure Bobby wouldn’t mind.”

Crowley sighs and sits next to her on the edge of the swing, looking uncomfortable. “Then why haven’t you come back?”

“I don’t know how,” She admitted. “And it’s not for lack of trying either. I guess a part of me is just not quite ready for it.”

He makes a thoughtful noise and follows her gaze out to the sunset, which wasn’t moving.

Lucy gives a soft sigh. “What are you doing here Crowley? I take it you got away from Sam and Dean?”

“Was there a doubt I would?” He asked, glancing at her, but then went silent for a long moment as he thought about her other question. “Honestly…I don’t know.”

She nods and stands. “Did you want a drink? It mightn’t be real, but it still tastes the same, and I find feeling normal is better for dealing with all this.”

Crowley shakes his head, but then quickly grabs her hand as she goes to walk away, making them both freeze for a moment, before he slowly lets his hand drop. “Please…stay…”

Lucy takes a breath, and then smiles at him. “It’s not like I can go far.” She returns to her seat and waits for a moment, but when the silence drags on, she decides to break it. “How are things out there?”

“Not good,” He said, avoiding her gaze. “You probably don’t remember the angels falling, but their system is now as chaotic as what Hell’s has become.”

“Abaddon?” Lucy said.

Crowley nods slowly. “She didn’t take me surviving too kindly and my own alliances seem far and few between now, I can’t say I’m a fan of being on the run again.”

“Can you risk being here then?” She said worriedly. “Crowley, you need to-”

“I needed to know,” He said, cutting her off. “I-I needed to know that you were alright. Your brothers wouldn’t tell me.”

“Well, here I am,” She said with a small smile, which faded once he shot her a slightly annoyed look. “Out there though, I wouldn’t have a clue.”

Crowley drew in a deep breath and let out slowly. “I’m not about to admit that I…may have gotten that information, but…” He glances at her. “You were lucky that your leg was a clean break, although it’ll take a while to heal, the arm however, they’ve had to put multiple plates and bolts in to keep it together, how you managed to move it in that fight at all is a mystery to me but-”

He paused, realising that she was listening to him intently, and it took him a moment before he could continue.

“The worst wound was from the knife,” He said a little slowly. “It punctured your lung and scraped against your heart. You were…well, lucky doesn’t quiet cover it.” The next words came quickly. “What were you thinking going against Abaddon like that?”

Lucy shrugs, tucking her legs up on the swing. “I’m a Hunter, it’s what I do.”

Crowley shakes his head. “No, this was more than that, I saw the way you fought in there, that wasn’t-wasn’t normal.”

“I…” Lucy sighed and looked away from him. “What did you want me to do Crowley? Just sit back and let her do whatever she wanted to you? She would’ve killed you if I hadn’t…and then who knows what she would’ve done to-to Sam and me after that. I could hardly let that happen.”

There is an odd silence between the two of them, Crowley watching her.

“At the cost of your own life,” Crowley’s voice was quiet. “You saved mine?”

Lucy shrugs it off. “Just repaying the favour.”

“It’s not the first time you’ve done it though.”

She went still and gave him a cautious sidelong look. “What do you want me to say Crowley?”

“You tried to talk Sam out of doing it,” He said. “And you didn’t want to be involved in the first place.”

“I was-I was trying to save Sam’s life,” She couldn’t look at him. “And I’d just survived that damn Djin, I hardly needed a world ending crisis on…on…”

Crowley’s hand rested atop hers, stopping her. “Lucy…”

She looked at him, nervousness in her gaze, and the two of them sit there for a long moment, wondering what to say next. It dragged into an odd awkwardness and Crowley finally cleared his throat, moving his hand away.

“I’m glad you’re alright, even if it is in here.” He said softly, looking away. “I wish I could do more for you, it doesn’t feel right, not having you out there.”

“I’m sure I’ll be on my feet again in no time,” She said. “And thank you…for saving me.”

Crowley pauses and nods. “You’re welcome.”

Lucy licks her lips and decides to change the subject. “So…how do you beat a Knight of Hell? She seemed rather a pain in the arse to kill.”

“Your brothers are working on that,” Crowley said, seeming to relax a little. “There’s certainly no easy way of doing it, but it seems your brothers are as stubborn as ever about it.”

“Well, I have to agree on being stubborn about this one,” She smiled at him when he frowns a little at her. “Can hardly have someone that psychotic running Hell, I don’t think it would be good for business.”

Crowley chuckles after a moment and nods, leaning back on the swing. “Indeed, none of it has been pleasant. There’s going to have to be a lot of correcting once I’m back.”

“Do you want to go back?” She asked the question before she thought about it, heat creeping into her cheeks as she quickly shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s alright,” Crowley said. “In all honesty, I’ve been asking myself the same question.”

Lucy looked at him curiously. “Is this really the same demon I first met when he was just King of the Crossroads?”

He gives a soft laugh, shaking his head. “I think I’ve spent too long around you, you’ve changed me.”

“Not too much I hope,” Lucy nudges him slightly. “I’d still like to think you’d turn someone to dust if they pissed you off.”

“No, that I’d have no problem with.”

The two of them laugh after a moment and the silence that falls is much more comfortable for a moment, until both of them begin to think again.

Crowley clears his throat. “I probably shouldn’t stay too much longer, I’d hate to think of putting you in more danger than you’re already in.”

Lucy nods slowly. “Yeah…I guess that bitch burning my tattoo off hasn’t really helped that situation.”

“I could help with that,” He said quietly. “If you wish.”

He moves before she can answer and Lucy stills as his hand rests on her forehead, a warmth creeping through her for a moment before easing away.

“It looks like I didn’t have much of an option,” She chuckles lightly, seeing his slightly nervous expression. “Although, I would’ve thought that it would be better once you were out my head?”

Crowley brushes a strand of her hair back lightly, taking a small breath. “I have a few more moments, but no other demon will be able to touch you now. I…can, but with your permission.”

Lucy leans into his hand slightly, his thumb brushing along her cheek, before he seems to think better of it and stands quickly, avoiding her gaze. “I should go.”

“Crowley,” He pauses as she stands after him, glancing back at her. “Thank you.”

He nods slowly, uncertain.

She hesitates a moment, before resting a gentle hand on his arm and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. “I mean it. Stay safe out there.”

All he can do is nod again, the rest of him standing very still as she smiles slightly at him and walks past, going inside, Crowley gone by the time the door had closed.

Lucy didn’t know whether Crowley would come back at all, but it had helped put her mind a little ease, knowing that he, Sam and Dean were, for the most part, alright, and somehow, she had the thought that this was easing her recovery on the outside world, that her body had relaxed without the threat there and giving itself time to heal.

As aches and pains began to settle back in, she knew it wouldn’t be long before she’d be back to consciousness.

It didn’t seem like too much longer and soon she was jerking awake in a hospital bed, choking momentarily on the tube down her throat before she managed to relax, waiting for a nurse to come in.

Lucy couldn’t move much, even after they removed all that they had to and did an initial check over. Even if her arm and leg still hadn’t been in casts, she doubted she would’ve been back on her feet right away, her body aching from having been motionless for so long, and they warned her, even as she asked for a phone, that it would be some time before she would be able to move about.

“Hello?”

“Hey little brother,” Lucy said a little tiredly on the phone. “You boys been keeping busy without me?”

“Lucy?” Sam exclaimed on the other end of the line. “Holy shit, you’re awake?”

“No, I’m calling from my coma.” She chuckles. “Has it really been that long since you’ve heard my voice?”

“You’ve been out for three months you crazy bitch,” Dean’s voice cut in. “Next time you do that to us, you’re buying beers for just as long.”

“If we worked like that, you two would already owe me about three years’ worth of beers.” Lucy laughed. “So good luck getting away with that one.”

The two of them denied it, but eventually Sam talked again. “We’ll come get you Luce, you’re going to be safer back here.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Lucy said. “As much as I’d love to not be in a hospital bed, I can’t even stand on my own two feet at the moment, perks of a broken leg and having been motionless for a large amount of time.”

“We can’t leave you there Luce,” Dean said, his voice tense. “With the things that have been happening, especially once they find out you’re awake, your life is going to be in real danger staying there.”

“What’s been happening?”

There was a moment’s pause, but eventually the two of them started talking. She pretended that it was all new information, and only asking questions when she needed to.

When they were done, she hummed thoughtfully for a moment. “Well, you two better bring an invisi-pen, black light and some of those books you haven’t checked out. We can ward this place to hell without the staff knowing easy enough, and I hate to think of leaving you guys alone on this. Maybe bring me a phone and a laptop too, I’m sure there’s more I can do than just sit here.”

“Luce-”

“Come on Dean, what other choice have we got?” She asked. “I know you’d feel better with me back in the bunker, but there’s not a chance that the doctors are going to let me go, so let me help how I can.”

Dean sighed. “I don’t like it, but alright. In the meantime, we hid an angel blade in your top draw, I recommend having it handy.”

“What was I going to do with an angel blade in a coma?”

“Just…shut up. I felt better leaving it there.”

Lucy and Sam both chuckle.

“It’s good to hear your voice again Lucy,” Sam said. “We’ll be there in a few hours.”

A few hours felt way too long, but she’d never smiled so much when she saw Sam and Dean walk in, who both looked more than relived, although both extremely tired.

Sam put a bag full of stuff down next to her bed. “You should have everything you need in there, including some fresh clothes if you want to get yourself out in a hurry.”

“Feels a bit weird having you two look after me,” She said with a grin. “I seem to remember it was always the other way around.”

“Don’t flatter yourself too much,” Dean said, sitting heavily in a chair. “It’s not like we haven’t gotten you out of more situations than we can count.”

The three of them talked a little more, in which Lucy proceeded to learn more about the mark on Dean’s arm, one that had her more than a little curious, having never seen anything like it before.

“We can thank Crowley later,” Dean growled. “But first we need to find the bastard again and find out whether he’s got the damned blade.”

“He’s been dark for a while,” Sam sighed. “It’s been rather frustrating with it in the back of our minds when we hunt.”

Lucy looks between them. “You said he was on the run right? That can’t make life easy.”

“Luce, the guy practically loves the sound of his own voice, if he wanted to talk to us, he would.” Dean said. “He didn’t even shut up when he was you, it was maddening, especially trying to drag Sam to the hospital as well.”

“He still helped though, didn’t he?” She asked, making Dean shrug. “Come on, you can’t keep denying that.”

“Abaddon wouldn’t have turned up if he hadn’t tried to call for help,” Sam said, looking at her casts guiltily. “Which in turn almost got you killed.”

Lucy decided to drop it, instead paying attention to both of them looking at her casts. “You two don’t need to worry about me. The doctors said my arm should only need about another week and then the cast is free to come off, the leg will be a bit longer, but it’s all healing okay. I’ll be out of here before you know it.”

They sat and talked until visiting hours were over, Sam and Dean quickly setting up wards around her room, using the black light to check them over before wishing her well and call if she needed them.

She waited a fair while after they left before she pulled out her phone, searching through her contacts and quickly realising she didn’t have the one that she wanted. It took a few moments, but eventually her eyes narrowed as she had an idea.

Typing a number in, she then types and sends a message.

_So, you visit me once, only for me to wake up and learn that you ghosted my brothers in trying to get rid of Abaddon?_

For a few moments, nothing happened, then her phone buzzed.

_Lucy?_

_No, Santa Claus. Merry Christmas. Ho. Ho. Ho._

_Very funny love, how did you even get my number?_

_I made an assumption, one I’m glad was correct. I hardly wanted to ask Sam and Dean for it._

_Are you still in hospital?_

_Very much so._ She wipes her hand over the mark she knew was on her headboard. _Could use some company if you’re free?_

There was soft sound in her room and she looked up at Crowley as he blanches. “This is warded to high heaven in here Lucy.”

“Funny about that,” She said, nodding to the open door, one Crowley quickly closes. “Apparently there’s a lot more going on than what you elaborated on.”

“I didn’t want to worry you, you were recovering from being on deaths door.” Crowley sits, looking a little irritated. “And are you really going to get mad at me for not being in touch with those two knuckleheads?”

“I wasn’t mad,” She said, looking amused. “But I can’t help but wonder why you haven’t updated them at least.”

Crowley looks at her, clearly uncomfortable. “Because they expect me to snap my fingers and get it done. I don’t work like that Lucy.”

She chuckles and shakes her head. “I know you don’t, but in this case, I think reassuring them might help a little, it’ll certainly stop them trying to hunt you down and doing less than pleasant things, I’m sure.”

Sighing, Crowley pinches the bridge of his nose, and for the first time she notices the dark circles under his eyes, concern knitting her brow. “Crowley…are you alright?”

He meets her gaze slowly. “No, no I’m not. It seemed that little experiment has had an unintended side effect. I could hide if from you in there, but out here…”

Lucy adjusts in her bed, looking at him, her mind working. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Crowley shakes his head. “You have no idea what it’s like not to feel properly for so long, none of you do, and the sheer fact that it’s brought so much out is infuriating, and half of I don’t even know what to do about, especially-” He cut himself off, his mouth clicking shut.

She thought about it for a moment, deciding not to push whatever he was about to say. “So…you’ve been using human blood?”

He nods solemnly.

Watching him, Lucy realised that there was some small amount of shame hidden in his expression. "You're not weak for that Crowley.”

“If the other demons knew about this…”

Lucy knew where he was coming from. “Then find that blade for Dean, get rid of Abaddon for good, and take it one step at a time from there.”

Crowley licks his lips nervously. “The first blade is no simple trinket Lucy, a part of me regrets telling them about it at all and…well, there’s other things…” He shakes his head and stands. “I shouldn’t be here, I need to go.”

“Crowley-”

“No, love-” He stops, shakes his head again, and frowns. “No, Lucy, I need to go, before I say something that I’ll regret.”

He vanishes and Lucy let’s out a slow breath, thinking it over for a moment before sending another message.

For what it’s worth, I forgive you, for everything.

She doesn’t get a reply.

One thing that Lucy hated now about being back in the conscious world, was the return of her nightmares, now plagued by Abaddon, and occasionally Dean, especially after she learnt exactly what the mark was.

She dreaded the thought of them having to try and get rid of it.

Her days were spent reading and researching, in amongst the therapy sessions with trying to get her back on her feet properly. She could at least walk for about half an hour now, with crutches, but it was better than nothing, it meant she could update the wards as she needed to in her room.

It was after about another month in hospital that Lucy began to take notice of some unusual things happening outside of her hospital room door, and the more she noticed, the more she realised that angels and demons had found her here, they just couldn’t enter her room.

She didn’t really want to wait around to find out if they could get around the wards.

Her biggest problem was still her leg, while finally out the cast, they were still being very careful with her walking.

The boys didn’t know that activity was increasing around the hospital, she left that out of daily chats and messages, she didn’t want them to worry about her as well as everything else they were dealing with, especially finally having found the first blade. Getting a hold of Abaddon had to remain their top priority.

Lucy’s other problem, was that she still hadn’t heard from Crowley. She didn’t blame him, she certainly couldn’t imagine what he was going through, but it was hurting a little that he wasn’t trusting her completely.

One morning she awoke to someone standing right at her door, her fingers curling around the angel blade under her pillow.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” He said calmly. “No matter how much Metatron wants you dead, but I recommend not staying here much longer, the demons and other angels here are close to finding a way to get to you.”

“That’s…good to know,” She said cautiously. “And who are you exactly?”

He just gives a small smile. “Consider it…a small repayment for some wrongs I did your brothers.”

She watches him go and she made a note to check with Sam and Dean later.

Knowing she didn’t have much choice after a warning like that, Lucy went dark on Sam and Dean and got herself out of hospital and out of the way for a little while, keeping an eye on things from a distance.

_It’s seems Abaddon has been working more than I thought._

Lucy stared at the message, the first one she’d received from Crowley since that night when she’d woken up, a message that was quickly followed by an address.

She knew, with a sinking feeling, that this may very well be the only chance that they get at taking on Abaddon.

Forwarding the address to Sam and Dean, Lucy makes her way there and silently hopes that she won’t be too late.

The building was surprisingly light on demons, something that Lucy found unusual, but then she also thought Abaddon was arrogant enough to do just that. Whatever she had planned, was nothing good.

There were two guards on the door, Lucy making short work of them, and entering the room cautiously.

“Back for round two are we cupcake?” Abaddon asked, grinning at her from the other side of the room. “Here I would've thought that once was enough.”

Lucy shrugged, taking in Crowley seemingly stuck to a chair, his hand on his bleeding shoulder. “It's not going to be much of a fight, but if you really want to try again, be my guest.”

“I suppose it's a good thing my demons did fail to find you and kill you then,” Abaddon stalked closer. “The idiots.”

“They had plenty of opportunities, I assure you,” Lucy readied her pistol in her hand, pointing it at her. “Guess they were just feeling lazy, or cowardice, take your pick.”

Abaddon laughed. “Do you think that little toy is going to do anything to me? You offend me cupcake.”

Lucy smirks and fires, hitting Abaddon square in the chest, causing the demon to laugh again and keep moving forward.

Her smiles shrink as she realizes she's stuck in place.

Crowley huffs a laugh. “Doesn't feel too good now, does it?”

“Bitch!” Abaddon spat, her eyes going black on Lucy. “Who is the coward now?”

“Think what you will of me,” Lucy said with a shrug. “It's not my place to kill you.”

Abaddon growls and starts digging for the bullet, only for Lucy to fire again, this time in the knee cap, dropping Abaddon down to one leg.

“But that doesn't mean I can't fill you with these bullets in the mean time,” She smiles at her. “So please, keep trying, this is fun.”

The growl that leaves Abaddon just makes Lucy laugh. “Down girl. You've been a bad dog.”

Her attention then moves to Crowley, who is watching half amused, half concerned. “I wasn't expecting you to come alone.”

Lucy shrugs and goes to him, eyeing the wound in his shoulder. “Sam and Dean are on their way, figured I'd cut a path through, not that there was much resistance.”

Crowley had noticed her heavy limp though. “Should you even be out of the hospital?”

“No,” She said earnestly. “But with demons and angels on the doorstep, no matter the warding, I didn't have much of a choice.” She looks at him. “Do you want me to dig that out?”

He nods slowly, his gaze flicking to Abaddon over Lucy's shoulder.

Lucy turned her gun on her again and fired without thinking, hitting her in the arm, and smiles at Crowley, who is more than stunned.

She pulls out a knife and a pair of tweezers from her pocket.

“You just carry those around with you?” Crowley asked, watching as she gets to work.

“Honestly, you never know when you're going to get shot.” She said, her gaze locked on his wound, trying to find the bullet. “After I kept getting shot without them, it worked much better when I had them.”

Crowley hissed a little in pain as she dug the tweezer into his shoulder a little deeper. “I suppose I owe you again?”

“Who's keeping track?” She asked and tugs the bullet free, smiling at him, throwing the bloody bullet at Abaddon, hitting her squarely in the head.

“You two are sickening,” Abaddon snarled. “A demon and his pet.”

Lucy sighs and rolls her eyes, turning the gun on her again and this time hitting her between the eyes, dropping her to the floor.

“That's better, some peace and quiet right?” Lucy said and then looks up as the door opened, Sam and Dean entering, looking angry and confused until they see her. “Hi guys, I must have been closer than you two.”

“Lucy,” Sam's voice was relieved. “We thought the worse when you left the hospital.”

“All good Sam,” She nods to where Abaddon was slowly starting to move. “She's there if you want her.”

Dean was glaring at Lucy though. “You shouldn't be here Luce, the doctor told us about your heart, how exerting it could kill you.”

Lucy flinched, which covered Crowley's sharp intake of breath next to her. “I'm not going to sit out just like that. I'm fine. I barely broke a sweat in here.”

“You should still be more careful,” Sam said, even as Dean snorts and makes his way over to Abaddon. “We could've handled this.”

“I hope you all rot,” Abaddon hissed, eyeing the first blade in Dean's hand. “You really think that you can kill me with that obnoxious thing? Take your best-"

Abaddon shrieked as Dean plunged the blade into her and moments later, collapsed to the flood, dead.

Crowley snorts, amused. “Bitch.”

Lucy sighed, relieved. “Well, one problem down.”

Dean turns and faces Crowley, the blade shaking in his hand. He didn't say anything, but Lucy could see the intent in his gaze.

As Dean steps in, Lucy steps between the two of them, the blade poised over her chest, having frozen as Dean stares at her.

“You're going to have to kill me to do that Dean,” She said calmly. “Because like it or not, the only reason you are here right now, and have finished off Abaddon, is because of him. Not only that, but I wouldn't be sitting here.”

Tension filled the room, Crowley's hand wrapping around Lucy's wrist as her and Dean stared at each other, Sam the only one noticing the movement.

The blade shook in Dean's hand.

“Dean,” Sam said. “It's Lucy.”

Dean blinks and lowers the blade, his eyes flicking between her and Crowley. “Right.” He focuses on Crowley. “Don't think this is over.”

“Looking forward to it Squirrel,” He clipped, quickly letting his hand drop from hers. “Now, if you three don't mind, I have one hell of a mess to clean up, no pun intended.”

He vanishes, leaving them alone, Lucy letting out a slow breath. “Can we go home now? I need one hell of a nap.”

With Abaddon gone, Lucy slept a little easier. The nightmares still plagued her, but they weren't as bad and most nights she could sleep right through.

She started checking her phone a lot too, something that Sam noticed, but Dean was now too focused on Metatron, often disappearing on his own from the bunker.

They were on their own one day, when Sam noticed her do it again, distracted from the book she was trying to pull information from. “Luce?”

She hummed in response, not looking up.

“I don't really want to ask this but…” He hesitates for a moment. “Are you and Crowley together?”

Lucy stills and blinks at him, surprised. “What would make you say that?”

His gaze is soft, worried, but understanding. “You've both seemed awfully quick to defend each other recently, and, in all fairness, it would explain a lot.”

She draws in a deep breath and shakes her head. “No Sam, we're not.”

“Then who are you checking your phone so much for?” He asked.

Lucy hesitates and knew there was no point in denying it. “Crowley? But only because I thought he'd let me-us know that he was okay, that things were back to somewhat normalcy in Hell and-" She sighs. “I'm digging my own grave here.”

Sam gives a sad smile. “It was him, wasn't it? In the world the Djin showed you?”

Slowly, Lucy nods, not looking at him.

“I'm not even going to try and understand where that's come from,” Sam said. “I'm not really one to talk after all, but I do want you to be careful. He could turn on you and use it against you at any point he wanted.”

“A few months ago maybe,” She said quietly. “But we all know that he's different now Sam.” Her expression turns slightly panicked. “Does Dean know?”

He shakes his head. “I haven't said a word, I promise. His mind is occupied elsewhere anyway.”

Lucy relaxes, but still looks uncomfortable. “We're still not anything, but the less Dean knows, the better. I haven't even known how to explain it to myself Sam, let alone to you two.”

Sam chuckles lightly. “I can understand that, you always were the enigma in the family.”

“Shut up,” She laughs. “And mind your own business, we've got more important things to worry about anyway.”

“Yeah, getting that mark off of Dean,” Sam said, looking at his book. “Before it gets him killed.”

“I almost thought you were going to bring up the hospital discussion again,” she snorts. “Because that's not getting old.”

“Our opinion on that is unchanged Luce, but if you don't want to go, that's your choice.”

It took a few days, but eventually Lucy woke up to a text one morning.

_Can we talk?_  
It was followed by an address. Lucy's heart raced a little, and she found herself telling her brothers that she was off to the hospital, not feeling overly well that morning. They offered to drive but she assured them she would be fine, she just wanted to make sure that nothing was seriously wrong.

I'm on my way.

Lucy drove a little nervously, her mind whirling with possibilities that she had to keep forcing away.

The hotel was stupidly fancy and she quickly realised that she was going to the top floor.

The door was unlocked.

She steps in a little cautiously, unsure of what to expect, but quickly eases a little when she catches sight of Crowley standing out on the balcony, overlooking the city below.

Lucy quietly shuts the door and locks it, heading out to join him. “Crowley?”

He remained silent for so long that Lucy steps up next to him and looks at his distant expression, a gentle hand resting on his arm, making him start and look at her.

“Hey,” She said with a soft smile. “Are you okay?”

Crowley nods and sighs. “Yes. My apologies Lucy, I was just...thinking.”

“I could tell,” She moves her hand away and taking in the view. “I don't think I've ever been up this high before. It's amazing.”

He looks at her. “Lucy...” He turns away as she faces him. “What are we?”

Lucy looks at him a little surprised, but gives a small smile. “You mean besides the King of Hell and a Hunter?”

Crowley huffs a small laugh and nods.

“Well,” She said slowly, looking back at the view. “If we rely on my brothers for that, we are mortal enemies that are out to kill each other all the time. Hunters kill monsters and most demons fall into that.”

When he remains silent, she continues.

“If you're asking about the two of us...I don't know how to answer that Crowley. I haven't known how to answer that for a long time.” Lucy leans on the railing. “If things were different, maybe one of us could.”

“You know...” He swallowed. “You know I saw what that Djin had shown you…when I…possessed you, right?”

Lucy nods, giving a sympathetic smile. “When you saved my life, you mean? I had figured as much, really rather embarrassing on my part, but I'll get over it one day.”

His gaze returned to her. “You could've stayed. You would've been happy.”

“I would've been dead,” She said a little flatly. “But I get what you're trying to say. Even with no memory of what was happening, I still felt like there was a part of me missing there, that something was wrong, and even once I had realised, it tore me apart to make the decision, the view of a normal life was oddly nice, and a part of me wanted to stay, consequences be damned, but I knew I couldn't.”

“Why?” He asked softly.

She sighs. “Because this is my normal Crowley, and no amount of false wishes and dreams is going to change that. I know where I belong, I guess that’s why I’ve never really stopped hunting before; I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I did.”

Crowley doesn’t seem sure what to think about this. “And you’re…happy with this?”

Lucy gives a light chuckle. “It’s far from perfect. Between all the world ending crisis’s, the monsters trying to kill us every other day and now the fact that I can’t really hunt anymore, or shouldn’t more so, it does drag you down a bit, but despite it all, yes, I’m happy. To want more would be selfish, and I do like to think I help more than hinder.”

He takes a moment before sighing, looking away and remaining silent.

As the silence drags on, Lucy hesitates, unsure of what to say. “Crowley…what did you really want to talk about?”

“It doesn’t matter,” He said and she was surprised by the sudden hardness in his voice as he turned back inside. “I think it’s time you should go.”

This took her back and she watched after him for a moment before frowning. “If you have something to say, then say it. You have never minced words with me Crowley, don’t start now.”

“I said it doesn’t matter,” He snapped, keeping his back to her. “So just leave it, Lucy. Go home.”

Lucy pursed her lips, her eyes flashing a little in anger. “Don’t you dare, don’t you dare do this to me Crowley. You think just because I say I’m happy doesn’t mean I can’t still want more? You think that just because I say I’m happy that I still don’t think back on that dream every night and every day? That I don’t dread sleeping because I know I have to watch you-you die again and again? You know how I feel Crowley, you’ve known it since you saved my life, maybe even before that, so instead of pushing me away why don’t you tell me what is going on?”

“You said it was selfish to want more.”

“Then call me selfish,” She said. “I know how bloody hypocritical it is, but last I checked neither of those were a sin.” Lucy draws in a deep breath, eyeing the tension in his body. “Look at me Crowley, look at me and tell me why you suddenly want me to go.”

“You don’t want this!” Crowley snapped, rounding back on her. “You don’t need the extra burden Lucy. I’m telling you to go so that something worse doesn’t happen further down the line.”

She held her ground and his gaze. “That’s my risk to take and you can’t force that decision on me.”

Crowley growled and closed the distance between the two of them, his eyes shifting red, his hands gripping tight on her upper arms. “Look at me and tell me you want this, that you can deal-deal with a monster in your life. It was a dream love, nothing more.”

“Exactly,” Lucy said. “A dream Crowley, but this, here, this is real.”

“We cannot keep playing this game!” He snarled, his grip tightening, looking more like he was trying to convince himself. “You save my life. I save your life. It has to end at some point. I’m the King of Hell and you’re-”

“A Hunter.” She whispered, staring at him, making him tense. “Are you going to tell me that it’s as simple as that? That there’s no good reason I keep having those dreams every night? There’s more to both of us than meets the eye Crowley, we both know that. We’ve known that for a long time now.”

“You should be running from me,” He snarled. “You should-”

“I am not afraid of you,” She held his gaze firmly. “If I was afraid of you, I wouldn’t have ever approached you the way I did when we first met, nor would I have allowed contact to continue, but here I am. You asked why I went up against Abaddon? I did so to save you, because I couldn’t let my dreams become any sort of reality, not while I still had some level of control, and as much as I talked a whole level of bullshit to you originally about Sam and I, it was for just you.”

Crowley breathes deeply, holding her gaze, the red still burning away into her.

Lucy’s voice lowers, her gaze genuine and unflinching. “And I meant what I said in that message.”

Crowley tenses, his jaw clenching.

“I forgive you Crowley, for everything,” Lucy whispered. “And no matter what you say, or what you do, nothing is going to change that. I’m not going anywhere.”

He huffs, irritated and frustrated, and goes to move away but her hand rests on his arm, stopping him.

“What are you afraid of Crowley?” She asked. “What is it that you are running from? I’m here because I want to be, and I’m not going to simply go because you don’t think you’re worth that.”

The red in his eyes slowly fades as he looks back at her, his expression hurting, broken. “How can you say that? How can you…after all that’s happened…it doesn’t make sense.”

“No, it doesn’t,” She gives a small, apathetic smile. “But please, tell me, what exactly in our lives has?”

Crowley lets out a shuddering breath and, a little hesitantly, he reaches up and brushes her cheek gently. “This is a bad idea love, I can’t even begin to explain…”

Lucy sighed and took his hand in hers, pressing it to her cheek and closing her eyes. “You don’t have to explain anything. I get it, more than you think I do.”

“I think the world of you,” He said quietly, watching as she nuzzles into his hand slightly. “I just…I’ve gotten used to keeping up appearances and…”

She places a small kiss to the palm of his hand. “It’s just us here Crowley. Neither of us have to perform for anyone.”

Several moments pass as Crowley lets that sink in.

“Lucy…” He sighs and closes the distance between the two of them, resting his forehead against hers. “I don’t know how we are going to keep something like this up. We are from two very different worlds and I won’t be able to give you what you saw-”

“I don’t want what I saw Crowley,” She meets his gaze. “I want this. Us. Nothing more.”

Crowley searched her eyes for a long moment, still hardly daring to believe it, and after a moment he realised that Lucy was holding her breath a little, waiting to see what he would say.

“Dammit all.” He said and pressed his lips to hers.

The first kiss was tentative, unsure, barely there, but slowly, they eased into each other, each kiss deliberate, exploring, neither willing to be the first to move away, eyes drifting shut as they just let each other feel.

Lucy cupped his cheeks in her hands, fingers gently trailing and exploring as she presses against him, Crowley’s hands dropping to her waist.

They broke after a moment but barely pulled apart, looking at each other longingly, Lucy’s arms wrapping around his neck.

“Damn you and that moment I met you,” He growled, pecking her lips softly. “I haven’t been able to shake whatever feeling it was since.”

Lucy smiles and nudges his nose with hers. “You’re not the only one, for a while I actually thought I was going mad.”

Crowley hums a little thoughtfully, his hands moving lightly over her. “I always did wonder what to call you.”

It takes a moment before she catches his smirk and laughs. “You are…ugh.”

She presses her lips back to his, the kiss firmer, needier, Crowley letting out a small groan. They stay like that for a long moment, holding onto each other firmly, wanting more, but not hurrying.

“What do you want Crowley?” Lucy breathed, allowing them both a moment to collect themselves. “Please…tell me what you want.”

“You.” He said, claiming her lips once more but barely waiting a moment before scooping her up into his arms, causing her to giggle against his lips.

They sink down into the bed, kisses turning soft and lazy as they get comfortable.

Crowley breaks away for a moment, staring down at her, taking her hand in his and kissing her knuckles softly. “Can I ask you something love?”

She smiles at him. “Question for a question.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, not this time.” A little cautiously, he rests his hand over her heart, he takes a moment to look at it before his gaze returned to hers. “Would you like me to fix it?”

Lucy takes a deep breath at this, a small frown creasing her forehead. “Crowley…what would I have to do?”

A smile tugs at his lips, a little nervous, but unworried. “I promise your soul is very safe where it is love, and I’m pretty sure if I asked for that seriously, then I’d be out of this room quicker than you can call me a bastard or whatever other wonderful names you could come up with. No…this is far more simple and should technically be stretching the rules of it all just enough that it still holds.”

She raises an eyebrow at him, causing him to chuckle. “It’s just another question love.”

“Then ask it,” She said. “Stop making me feel like an idiot here.”

Crowley grins and presses his lips quickly to hers in reassurance. “It doesn’t have to be right now of course, but will you marry me?”

Lucy blinks at him and then rolls her eyes, grinning. “You really are a bastard, you know that? Of course I will you idiot.”

“Oh good, I was worried that-”

He doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence, Lucy pulling him back down into a kiss, smiling against his lips, even as he chuckles.

Warmth blossoms in Lucy’s chest, a sharp breath leaving her, but it settled just as quickly, letting her relax back into the bed, breathing easier than what she had in long time.

“I believe I have a birthday to make up for.” Crowley nuzzles down her jaw to her neck. “Unless you have other plans?”

Lucy laughs. “That was months ago.”

“So?” He asked, his eyes sparking with mischief. “We did get rather rudely interrupted.”

“A bit hard to be interrupted when it’s not exactly real.” She continues to laugh.

“Maybe not, but it hasn’t stopped you thinking about it.” He smirks. “Or are you going to deny that.”

Lucy grins, biting her lip. “Well, a girl still has needs.”

He gives a dark chuckle and captures her lips in a deeper kiss, a small moan leaving her, her hands burying into his hair, the air in the room shifting as they settled into each other, Crowley’s jacket soon thrown across the other side of the room.

She breaks away from the kiss to draw in a breath, shivering as Crowley continued the kiss down her jaw and throat, his hands slipping under her shirt, fingers brushing lightly over her skin, until he finds the scar from Abaddon’s blade, making him give a small growl.

“We don’t have to worry about her anymore.” She said, a little breathlessly.

Crowley lets out another low growl. “Doesn’t make it any easier to deal with the memory.”

He slips her shirt off and Lucy arches into his touch, not wanting to think about it either, biting her lip, tugging his mouth back to hers, her legs wrapping around him, making him moan and start to grind against her.

Slowly, clothes are tugged free, lips barely leaving each other, and it was only when they take a moment to breath, that Lucy notices something, her fingers trailing along the edge of a tattoo.

“I still wonder how you knew about that,” Crowley mumbled, lips trailing softly down to her collar bone. “Hardly anyone knows about it at all unless they’ve shared my bed.”

“In all honestly, stranger things have happened.” Lucy huffs a laugh.

Crowley hums a little thoughtfully, meeting her gaze. “You mean like Juliet being a dog?”

Lucy shrugs, smiling at him. “I’ve always wanted a dog, I guess it was logical assumption to make.”

“And that car?” He raises an eyebrow, amused. “If you actually had one I honestly don’t know who would be easier to spot, you or those two idiots you call brothers.”

Laughing, Lucy shakes her head. “I’ve wanted one of those cars since I was little, that doesn’t mean I don’t understand it’s not exactly practical for hunting.”

He looks thoughtful for a moment, before he grins. “And you would actually sell your soul for that car?”

“No, but you would have to fight to get my attention away from it.”

Laughing, Crowley claims her lips again briefly. “I don’t think it would be that hard love.”

Lucy smiles and continues the kiss, letting out a soft moan as his fingers brush against her core, her hips arching into his touch. Her lips trail along his jaw, making him groan, her body shuddering as he eased a finger into her, taking his time, slowly teasing, building her up.

“Fuck that feels good.” She huffs, letting her head drop back to the pillow, watching him with half open eyes, her body relaxed.

Crowley smiles, nudging her nose gently. “I don’t know about you, but I’m in no rush.”

“Absolutely not,” She lets out a small gasp as he pushes a second finger into her. “Fuck Crowley…”

Kisses become slow and lazy, small noises leaving her as Crowley continues to gently tease. He lets out a low groan as her hand wraps around him, matching his pace, even as he pressed his hips closer.

Neither of them said anything, lost in the moment, in the need and the feeling, and they didn’t think any more of it, Lucy letting out a small gasp as Crowley sinks into her. Their lips meet, swallowing the small noises from each other as they slowly rocked into each other.

One of Crowley’s hands brushes into her hair, gently tugging her head back as he places open mouthed kisses down her throat. Lucy moans softly, biting her lip, her hands on his arse, encouraging him deeper. Crowley’s free hand sneaks under her hips, changing the angle slightly, groaning as she lets out a gasp, clenching around him.

“Crowley…” She breathes and hums. “Just like that.”

Crowley moans and nips lightly at her skin, the pace languid and slow, neither of them wanting to hurry, even as Lucy began to tremble slightly at every thrust, her legs wrapping around to try and ground herself, her fingers pressing into his shoulder blades.

His lips brush along the shell of her ear. “You’re not the only one that’s wanted this moment, you know? A time where I could finally have you all to myself.”

Lucy lets out a shuddering breath. “There was…nothing…stopping you.”

He growls a little, nuzzling back to her throat. “If you’d seen the real state I was in after escaping your brothers, you wouldn’t be saying that. Even when you were back on your feet, I couldn’t risk hurting you, that’s why I left in the way I did.”

Quietly, she laughs, earning his gaze as he looks at her, a little confused. “Crowley, I don’t think you could hurt me if you tried.”

He went to answer but she presses a soft finger to his lips. “Even when you took me hostage, just before all that happened, you didn’t lay a finger on me, did you?”

His gaze softens and he shakes his head.

“Stop doubting this,” She said, one hand resting over his heart, the other over hers. “It’s not worth torturing yourself for, save that for others.”

Chuckling, Crowley shakes his head, pressing a light kiss to her lips. “I love you, you know that? I figured I’d say it before I feel too much like a demon again.”

Lucy laughs softly, smiling. “Then I’ll just have to say it often enough for the both of us.”

The next kiss was slow, loving and sweet, Lucy sighing contentedly, their bodies continuing to rock together, steadily building in rhythm.

“Don’t stop.” She whispered against his lips, causing him to groan, the kiss quickly becoming firmer, his fingers pressing harder into her.

Lucy’s head tips back, her body arching a little, giving him better access to her body, small gasps leaving her, with every movement.

They both moaned, trembling for a moment before sinking back into the bed, breathing deeply to catch their breathes, even as lips blindly find each other, kisses light, fingers brushing over still sensitive skin.

Peace washed over Lucy and she sighs, content, making Crowley give a soft laugh, moving them both to their sides while keeping her firmly to him. Gently, his fingers brush over her cheeks, pushing her hair back away from her face before kissing her lightly again.

“Feeling better love?” He asked quietly, making her smile and open her eyes to look at him.

“Never better.” She pecks his lips and then nuzzles down into his chest, not tired, but not wanting to move, enjoying being pressed against him.

Crowley lets his fingers trail softly over her skin, watching her as she settles against him, a soft smile on his lips, completely enraptured.

“Crowley?”

“Hmmm?”

“I, um, may have told Sam and Dean I was going for a check up to come here.”

“Well, it’s probably still not a bad idea.”

She looks at him, frowning a little. “Seriously?”

He nods, looking a little guilty. “Just…put worrying minds to ease.”

Lucy takes a moment before laughing softly and returning to her position against him. “If that will help.”

Crowley snapped his fingers and blankets pulled up over them, Lucy smiling, unable to help it, feeling warm and comfortable, soon finding herself yawning.

“No more nightmares now, my lovely Lucy,” Crowley said into her hair. “Get some proper sleep.”

Lucy hums and presses herself as close as she can to him, letting her eyes drift shut. “Only good dreams now, I promise.”


End file.
